August, 2021
Back in December I woke up one night and heard “And here the Holy
Spirit has brought your attention to a flying halt”. A few minutes
later I heard “And the stunning assumption was that you had to wait
until your reward came”. For months I tried to figure out what this
meant, but nothing came. Many times over the past thirty-nine years I
had been told by people that I should write a book about my walk. But
I thought that it would be written, if it ever would be written,
after the Lord stabilized my life and fulfilled all the promises that
He has made to me over all these years. But that was obviously not
the case. It is supposed to be written now while the wounds and pain
are still fresh in my heart and I am not concerned with talking about
the horrors that I've been through. That way people who are going
through terrible trials right now will be able to know that they are
not alone, that someone else has been through them and is not afraid
to talk about his feelings, bad and good. I think I know why God has
had me begin this book in 2005 when I moved back to Dallas from
Tyler, instead of in 1983 when it all began. I feel certain that
there will be another book in the future about my walk in the earlier
years, but it will be after God stabilizes my life and fulfills His
promises to me. In 1983 Paul Cain (before his fall from grace) came
to the church I was going to and pointed me out and prophecied this
to me “Lord you have promised to restore that which the locusts and
canker worm have eaten, and here the enemy has come in and made a
terrible situation for a believer. I pray that You will heal that
which is torn and replace all the unhappy thoughts in the wee hours
of the night with thoughts of peace and tranquility and the joy of
the Lord which will be this man's strength. I thank you for
prospering him spiritually and materially and in every way, and for
giving him a testimony that none can speak against or resist. And you
will stabilize his life and use him in an ardent way in these last
days”.
Chapter One
In July,
2005 after I had been living in Tyler, TX for eleven long years, God
once again had me divest myself of everything I owned (He had me do
the same thing in Feb., 1984) – Luke 9:3 – And He said
to them “Take nothing for your journey, neither a staff, nor a bag,
nor bread, nor money: and do not even have two tunics apiece.”
Luke 14:33 - In the same way, those of you who do not give up
everything you have cannot be my disciples. In my case He
did let me keep the money I had from selling my possessions in 2005,
my truck and a few things, i.e. clothing, fishing equip. I even had
to give up my wonderful two year old chocolate lab named Dallas,
which broke my heart. For those of you who think you can just go to
the Bible and claim all of God's promises, all the good things you
THINK He wants you to have, you'd better learn to obey His commands
first. Without obedience first, everything else is worthless.
When all that was finished I took off
and went fly fishing up in Mountain Home, Ark for a few days, having
no idea of where God was going to send me next. When I left Arkansas
I headed south, not knowing where I was headed. On the highway God
told me I was to go back to Dallas where I had lived for about
fifteen years before I moved to Tyler. Sixteen years later I still
have no idea why He sent me to Tyler for eleven years.
On the way to Dallas He said “Sojourn”.
Sojourn Church in Dallas (actually Carrollton, a suburb of Dallas)
was a church I had gone to once some years ago, a church that was
supposedly Spirit-filled and a “faith” church. I knew some of the
members from a church I had attended several years before. When I got
to Dallas God told me to go stay at the Dallas Life Foundation, a
shelter He had me stay in for a couple of months in 1984, and the
absolute worst and nastiest shelter I have ever been in. It was
straight from the pit of hell, and I mean that literally. It was the
darkest place I've ever seen, absolute evil with no good in it. But
God said go, so I had to go there even though I had several thousand
dollars in my pocket from selling everything I had in Tyler. I was
not very happy with God and told Him so many times. But He doesn't
care whether we're happy with Him or not, all He cares about is
obedience. Happiness is something He completely removed from my life
for the past thirty-nine years, something He still has not allowed me
to have.
But the night I was there (and I didn't
know it would only be one night) there were three men whom God put
next to me and whom I ministered to in three completely different
ways. But I encouraged, comforted and lifted them up. That night I
went to bed and couldn't get any sleep because the place is not
air-conditioned in the sleeping quarters and the evil there is almost
unbearable for a spiritual man. At about 4:00 in the morning God let
me know I could leave. So I went and got a room at the Comfort Inn in
Addison.
The next day I began my stay at
Sojourn. I joined a Sunday school class and became a member. I
faithfully attended for a couple of months, even giving the church
some of the little money I had left.
On the first or second Sunday I went
there I met a guy named Steve and we talked for a few minutes when he
said “You need to forgive your ex-wife”. I knew this was the Holy
Spirit speaking through him because although I had been divorced for
twenty-four years I probably still had anger and unforgiveness in my
heart towards her, although Steve knew none of this because I hadn't
mentioned her to him. So When I went back to the motel I said “Lord,
I don't know how to forgive her but I ask you to help me do so.”
That night He delivered me from hypoglycemia which had been keeping
me from sleeping well since shortly after the divorce in 1981. It
turned out that it was a curse that she had put on me after the
divorce. (I was told in 1985 that she was a fallen angel. Yes, she
was that evil.) A few months later I developed Restless Leg Syndrome,
which keeps me from sleeping well. Was it another curse from her? I
don't know, but it persists to this day. `
Another Sunday Steve and I were sitting
together when a so-called “prophet” from Africa came to the
church to preach. He was doing his thing and continually asking “Can
I have an Amen to that!!” Now you have to realize that this was a
very conservative congregation not prone to responding to that type
of emotional outburst. But every time the guy said that the people
would respond with “Amen!”. Then the guy told the people to line
up against the walls around the church and he would come lay hands on
them and ask God to double their blessings and endeavors. In other
words God would make them rich and successful. Naturally the people
got excited, they all wanted to hear that. He went around the church
“prophesying” to each person that God would increase their
blessings. When he came to me he said nothing because the lying
spirit in him knew that I knew what was going on, it was a farce.
Afterwards I told Steve that Terry Moore, the apostle and senior
pastor to the church, wasn't doing his job and that he didn't
understand his role, responsibility and authority as an apostle and
spiritual head of the church. Terry should have been off to the side
in prayer, controlling the spirit of the church and not letting this
false prophet hijack the spirit of the church. Hearing all the people
responding with “Amens” told me that this guy had control of the
spirit of the church because they were an extremely conservative
people who would never normally do that. And with him going around
falsely prophesying to the people, it was obvious that Terry was not
in control of the spirit the way he should have been. The guy going
around giving false prophecies to the people also showed that the
real desires of the people in this church, including the leadership,
were materialistic, not spiritual. Terry was rich and he thought that
God wanted everyone to be wealthy and blessed, just like he was. They
were all excited and wanting to hear that God would prosper them,
make them rich. So the lying spirit obliged them by telling them what
they wanted to hear. 1Kings 22:22 - “I will go out and be
a deceiving spirit in the mouths of all his prophets,’ he said.
2Corin 11:14-15 – And no wonder, for
Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not
surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of
righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
2Tim
4:3 - For the time will come when people will not put up with sound
doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around
them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want
to hear. In
the bookstore at Sojourn there were a number of books by Marilyn
Hickey, Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, Kenneth Copeland and the likes of
them, that tells you what that church is all about.
During my time there I came down with fever for several days and I
asked Hugh Cunningham, an elder and a pastor, to come see me at the
motel with another elder and pray for me. He came with a, I guess he
could be called an asst. pastor, and after Hugh spent fifteen or
twenty minutes outside my room on his cellphone ,eventually did come
in and pray for me. He said I should stay in the room for several
days until I felt better and stay on a liquid diet. He never asked me
if I needed anything, if I had nourishment in the room, if he could
get me anything – he and the other guy just left me to fend for
myself. He didn't ask me to come stay with his family or try to get
anyone else in the church to take me into their home, he just left me
there to take care of myself. Matt 25:42-46 - “For I was
hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t
give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into
your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick
and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’Then they will reply,
‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or
naked or sick or in prison, and not help you? “And he will answer,
‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these
my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’“And they
will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into
eternal life.
During my time at Sojourn Hugh told me to come talk to him and two
other guys and we would talk and pray and see what God would have me
do as far as a job. I did and the resulting opinion was that I should
look for a job where my skills could be best utilized. I even offered
to take a job at the sandwich shop right next door to the motel but
he said he didn't think that's what I should do. So I listened to the
opinion of the three, thinking they were hearing from the Lord.
After
a few weeks my money was running out and I tried to see Hugh but he
was very busy and I couldn't see him until a few days later, the day
my money ran out. When I saw him that day I told him that I was out
of money and had no place to stay. His response was “Go to the
Salvation army, they'll take care of you”. I was stunned and
extremely depressed because I KNEW that this church would help me.
Prov 13:12 - Hope deferred makes the
heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I
couldn't believe that this well-off church that preached about faith
and the love of God would not help me. Obviously they had no idea
what love was all about. When I asked Hugh if the church could put me
up in a motel room for a little while longer he told me that they
weren't set up for that. This “faith” church had no love or
compassion for their members who were in dire straits. Matt
25:43 - “ I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your
home”. I
had been sick for several days and they didn't offer any help. Now I
was homeless and they didn't care. I was alone out in the wilderness
so to speak, and prey to all the wolves and beasts of the field and
my shepherds didn't care.
So I went down to the Salvation Army that night, depressed, angry,
disillusioned and abandoned. But I continued to go to church at
Sojourn on Sundays. The Salvation Army in Dallas is a place of
oppression, darkness, anger, despair and loneliness. It is not a
place that uplifts the downtrodden, the hurting, the lonely, the
oppressed, the depressed. It is a warehouse for the homeless, nothing
more. It might have once been a place of love and compassion, but it
is no more. It is a dark place, spiritually and emotionally speaking.
I became more and more depressed by the day. The “counselers” in
the men's section told the guys most nights that they were just
playing games and weren't serious about life. In other words they
were just bums.
Seven weeks later I went to Sojourn for the last time. During the
service Terry Moore stood up and began talking about Hurricane
Katrina and the people in New Orleans and how he felt that the church
needed to show compassion to the people from there that needed help,
but you could tell from his facial expression and voice that his
heart was not really in it. I stood up and said in a very clear and
strong voice “Terry, my life has been ravaged by storms and
hurricanes for twenty one years, but when I asked my shepherds for
help they beat me and threw me out on the streets to be prey to all
the wolves and beasts of the field. The Lord rebuke you shepherds!
The Lord rebuke you shepherds! The Lord rebuke you shepherds! The
Lord rebuke you shepherds!” Then I turned around and left.
The next day I left the Salvation Army and was driving my truck to
find an empty field in Carrollton, take a bottle of pain killers I
had, and die. I was that depressed. If I had died that day my blood
would have been on the hands of the leaders of Sojourn – the blood
of a senior prophet. But God had other ideas and led me to another
church out there and I told them my story and they put me up in a
motel for a few weeks with money to eat and put gas in my truck. But
none of them ever called me or visited me or tried to find someone in
their church who would take me in. I was all alone in the wilderness
and no one really cared, not even God. He was, in fact, the one who
put me out in the wilderness to suffer so He could get glory for
Himself.
Four
years later the Lord instructed me to go to Sojourn Church on a
Saturday night with a can of black spray paint and spray several
verses on their building. I just sprayed the numbers of the verses,
not the entire verses themselves, Rev
3:1 - To the angel of the church in Sardis write:He who has the seven
Spirits of God and the seven stars, says this: ‘I know your deeds,
that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. “ Rev
3:14-19 - “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Beginning of
the creation of God, says this:‘I know your deeds, that you are
neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because
you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My
mouth. Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and
have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched
and miserable and poor and blind and naked, I advise you to buy from
Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white
garments so that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your
nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so
that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline;
therefore be zealous and repent. '”
I sprayed those verses on a pillar on the front of the church, the
side of the building and on the surface of the parking lot in large
letters that no one could miss. Several days later I received a call
from a detective at the Carrollton Police Department asking me to
come there the next day. So before I left home I put my wallet and
money in the house and only brought my drivers license, expecting to
be arrested. When I got there the detective and I talked for a few
minutes and then he gave me a sheet of paper from Sojourn Church
telling me that I was not allowed on their property again, otherwise
I would be arrested for trespassing. The detective said the church
wanted me to sign the paper. I gladly did so and told the detective
that I could now spiritually wash my hands of Sojourn Church. I have
not seen nor heard from anyone at Sojourn since then but I can assure
you that the Holy Spirit no longer even visits that empty tomb called
Sojourn. They think they can work up the spirit by their singing,
but God says “You worship me with your lips, but your hearts are
far from me. You are focused on all the material things you think you
can get, but not on me.”
It just befuddles me that these co-called “faith churches” think
that God wants everybody to be happy, healthy and wealthy. I have no
idea where they get that kind of nonsense from. Paul, who wrote the
book on faith, certainly wasn't happy, healthy and wealthy. He was in
chains, in prison, whipped, hated and even rejected by some of the
churches he founded as well as many of those he discipled. Jesus was
certainly not a happy man and we are told to share in the
fellowship of His sufferings. Notice that it doesn't say
to share in His wealth and blessings, but rather His
sufferings. Oh, but that's not positive confession so
the churches just ignore that command. His disciples gave up
everything they had, they certainly weren't wealthy.
Yes, God can bless us and can give us the desire of our hearts, great
wealth and happiness, but He certainly doesn't do that to even most
Christians. Many times He gives people wealth to test them and see
the true desires of their hearts – most of them fail the test.
Remember how satan told Jesus that he could give Him all the kingdoms
on earth if He would just worship him. Too many people who have been
given great wealth have given their lives to satan. Their wealth has
become the focus of their lives. “Sell what you have, give to the
poor, and come, follow Me”.
CHAPTER Two
A few weeks after leaving Sojourn I ended up at Hillcrest Church in
Dallas, Hillcrest had been a huge non-denominational church at one
point but they fired the founding pastor Morris Sheats, for reasons
that are not applicable to this story, and hired Mark Brand. Because
of the changing of pastors the church lost a large number of its
members - I didn't know all this until later because I had never
heard of them before this Sunday. But as I was driving down Hillcrest
Ave. one day I saw this church and knew that I would be going there
at some point. I went there several weeks later when I was lonely,
hurting and depressed. The service was okay and afterwards there was
a time when people could go up front and be prayed for. I was walking
up to be prayed for and God focused my eyes on an older couple up
there who were praying for people. I got up there and it turned out
that it was Jack and Dorothy Powell, a couple I used to go to church
with twenty five years before. Jack was an elder in that church and I
knew him back then.
In fact, it was on New Years Eve, 1982 when I was at that church and
was devastated because of a broken romance a few weeks before, when I
went up to be prayed for and I was down on my knees weeping in great
pain when Dorothy spoke in tongues and Jack interpreted. All I
remember from it was that God said “You'll be a tower of strength
for Me. You'll lead many men to me. And you'll be victorious beyond
your wildest dreams”. That sounds wonderful, and it will be when it
happens. But it's been thirty nine years and I haven't seen anything
but the strength building. How does God build strength in us? He
knocks us down. We get up again, He knocks us down again. We get up.
He knocks us down again. We get up. He knocks us down again. This
goes on and on and on and on. But each time we get up we get
stronger. But it hurts like hell!! He stretches us like a rubber band
until we are ready to break. Then He lets us sit like that for a
while. No, He doesn't let up on the pressure, He just lets us sit for
awhile. Then He does the same thing over and over and over and over
again. That folks, is the reality of how God works in those He has
chosen for certain responsibilities. Just look what He did to Joseph,
Moses, David and all the prophets. He was certainly not a gentle,
compassionate and kind God to them, He was brutal. But He did what it
took to raise them up to be able to handle the tasks He had in store
for them, but the training was absolute hell.
About ten years before the day I saw Jack at Hillcrest I was living
in Tyler and called him and asked him to go to lunch. Now you need to
understand that I hadn't seen Jack in many years since that previous
church folded, but God put it upon my heart to call him and drive to
Dallas to have lunch with him. While he and I were having lunch that
day the Lord told me that he was an apostle and also that he would
be a spiritual father to me at some point in the future. We had a
good lunch and I went back to Tyler, not seeing Jack again until that
Sunday at Hillcrest in 2005. God works like that.
I was in tears when I realized it was Jack and Dorothy, I was so
happy to see them. My heart was still in great pain after the episode
at Sojourn and I was still staying in a motel with no one reaching
out to me and almost out of money and a place to stay. I was all
alone out in the wilderness, I had no one. The church that was
putting me up in a motel was a nice church but no one called me to
check on me, no one invited me into their home no one asked me over
for lunch or dinner. They had done their job giving me a place to
stay and were finished with me. It was so wonderful to see Jack and
Dorothy. I spent a few minutes with them but they had plans after the
service and we couldn't get together.
But I went back in the evening and was in a Bible study with the
pastor and several other people. It was an intimate little group who
were sharing thoughts and feelings with one another. I told them that
I was lonely and hurting and needed a place to stay, having been out
in the wilderness for many years. Mark, the pastor, told me that
they would help me, and they did. They put me in a motel for several
weeks and I had found a church with caring people. They helped me
find a home to stay in, a place where I rented a room from a family.
I felt loved and cared for. On the third Sunday I was there I went up
to Jack and anointed him as the senior apostle in the church, the head of spiritual authority, and he
received it.
One of my jobs as a senior prophet is to anoint people as apostles,
prophets and pastors. I don't appoint them, I simply anoint them as
the prophets of old did to the kings of the nations of Israel. Many
times I have helped them understand their roles and the training that
is required. I remember back in 1991 meeting a pastor in a little
church in Kemp, TX where I lived for a few years. I was driving
through downtown Kemp to go to the post office and saw a sign with
River Of Life Church written on it. I went in and asked for the
pastor and David Haines came out. I remember telling him that God
isn't impressed with large churches, what He cares about is seeing
His people ministered to personally and individually, and that
usually only happens in small churches. About two years later I
started going to that church, but that's another story that God will
not let me include in this book.
David had a congregation of about 100 people at a converted
gymnasium in Kemp. He was the shepherd of a small flock in the
country and he was happy and content to be so. He was a humble,
gentle, kind and caring young man who did the best he could with the
flock God had given him. But several years later God pulled him out
of the ministry and had him move to another state where he was doing
telemarketing for some company – a job that was totally unlike
David, something I could never picture him doing, something I know
tore at his heart. But I'm sure he did it to the best of his ability
because that's what God gave him to do.
Yes, God will turn our lives upside down when He has a special
ministry for us in the future, and put us in jobs and places that are
completely different than anything we would ever normally do. Jobs
that we absolutely hate, places that we despise. He will make life
extremely difficult for us, like He did David, Joseph, Moses,
Jeremiah, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Paul and others, myself included. That's exactly what He
did to the apostle Paul when He sent him into the desert to make
tents. That's exactly what He has done to me for the last thirty nine
years.
After he left the church in Kemp God gave me a prophetic word for
David, but I had to wait seven years to give it to him. Seven years
later I saw him at a conference at that church, he had come into town
to attend a seminar. Towards the end of the service he went up to the
front for prayers and was laying on his face crying his eyes out. He
was hurting so badly and didn't understand why God had called him out
of the ministry, away from his love for shepherding a little flock.
He had heard of the wagging tongues that went on after he left the
church, people criticizing and judging him and it had pierced his
heart. I went over to him and got on my knees next to him and begin
to give him the prophetic word that God had given me for him seven
years before. I said something like this “David, God has heard the
wagging tongues and they mean nothing to Him. He Himself called you
out of the ministry for reasons that you will understand in the
future, but not because he was unhappy with you. You have pleased Him
greatly and He will honor you for your obedience. The time is coming
when you will be the senior pastor of the remnants of Church On The
Rock. And He has a beautiful home across the street from this church
for you and your family.” In the following years I know that he has
returned to a pastoral role in several churches in several states.
Several years ago I heard that COTR had churches even in Russia. How
large or small COTR will be when David takes them over I have no
idea, but he most certainly will lead them in God's timing. Those
people at the church who spoke against and gossiped about that
tender, humble,loving servant of the Lord should be ashamed of
themselves. They will have a price to pay if they make it into
Heaven, they will have to repent before God and apologize to David.
Back to my time at Hillcrest. I found some work helping one of the
church members remodeling his house and became friends with he and
his wife. He didn't pay much but I had enough to pay the weekly rent
and buy food and gas for my truck. Unfortunately, after several weeks
this guy became jealous of my prophetic calling and begin to treat me
very poorly, even with contempt. He even tried to turn several of the
people in the church against me, but was unsuccessful. I finally had
enough and quit working for him. And since I couldn't pay the rent
anymore the family I was living with told me in a very ugly and
contemptuous manner to leave. God dealt with them for that.
Then I remember that a black woman in the church came up to me when I
was in the prayer room at Hillcrest and we began to talk. I told her
I needed a place to stay and she invited me to come stay in her
apartment. I stayed there for maybe three months and if I got any
work to do I split the money with her. If I didn't pick up any work
I'd be in the prayer room at Hillcrest during the day because she had
a preschool at her apartment during the day. While in the prayer room
God used to send people there for me to minister to in many different
ways, so there were purposes in me being in the prayer room in
addition to praying for the church. But after a few months some of
her relatives were coming to visit her in a few days and I couldn't
stay there any longer. I needed a place to stay.
Someone at the church had mentioned a ministry to the homeless that
the church helped support and thought that might be a place I should
look into joining as part of their staff. The ministry will be
unnamed at this time because I don't want to hurt them for reasons
that will be revealed sometime in the future. I went and spoke to the
director of the place and he agreed that I would stay there and serve
the ministry in whatever way they needed me. So I got a bed in a room
in a house with three bunk beds and five other guys.
I was told me to help the cook in the kitchen, so that's what I did.
The next day Willie, the head of the men's ministry, came in the
kitchen and I greeted him with “Hi, Willie!” His arrogant
response was “Pastor Willie, if you please!”. He wanted to be
called “Pastor” because he was in charge. After that I never
spoke to him again and I remember often seeing him walking around the
ministry's grounds with his “pastor's hat” on, strutting with
great pride in every step. He thought he was something special
because he was a pastor and had authority. This I can tell you, God
was most certainly not impressed with Willie.
While there I bonded with a guy named Rodney who took care of the
church property, set up the chairs in the gym before each meeting
there, etc. Rodney lived in the closet of the room I was staying in,
yes literally. God bonded our hearts together like two brothers and I
loved him like a brother. God showed me he was called to be a
prophet, and when I told him that it confirmed to him what he
believed God had already told him. Rodney had been in the Army
Special Forces and had been involved in some really dark things
while there. He knew that it messed him up emotionally and he knew
that God was healing him. But I saw a man who was a true, humble
servant of the Lord who had a heart of gold and who wanted more than
anything else to serve the Lord. He truly cared for the people in the
homeless program. Like me, he had read the Bible from beginning to
end over 70 times and God had revealed many things to him that 99.99%
of the Christians will never see or hear. He and I had many very deep
spiritual conversations while I was there. I've never known anyone
else who I could relate to and talk to on such a deep spiritual
level, and I still miss him dearly. I'm tearing up as I write this
because he is my brother whom I haven't seen in many years, a part of
my heart that is missing. The leaders treated him with contempt and
like dirt. Prophets go through absolute hell that most of you can't
even imagine. They were hated in the Old Testament, and we are hated
today.
I was there for seventeen days before one of the “pastors” told
me I needed to go through their Orientation Program. I told him “No,
I am not here for that purpose, I am here to help the ministry and
the people here, but not to be part of the program”. He told me to
leave, and I had to go. Weeks later the director of that ministry
agreed that shouldn't have happened, but he never apologized.
Nonetheless I continued to go to church over there after a couple of
weeks because I knew I could help some of the people there, I knew
God had something for me to do over there. But I went back to
Hillcrest and ended up living in the prayer room there for one month.
Chapter Three
When Morris Sheats was the pastor of Hillcrest he had a large
calendar board on the wall in the prayer room so that people could
sign up to pray for the church in hourly increments, it was the
largest and most beautiful prayer room in the city. I was told that
Morris made sure that the prayer board was filled up 24/7, he knew it
was necessary for the well being of the church. But the current
pastor, Mark Brand, didn't see that as a necessity and so few people
signed up even though the prayer board was still on the wall. For a
full month I lived in the prayer room, every day going around the
sanctuary praying over every seat. At night I slept on the couch in
the prayer room. In the mornings I would go to one of the local
hotels that had free breakfasts for its guests and ate there. I
looked and dressed like the business executives that were guests
there, so they thought that I was a guest. I even showered in their
exercise room while there. At night I would go to another hotel that
had wine and hors d'oeuvres for their quests set out on a buffet
table and I had that for dinner. I had no where to eat lunch so I
fasted that meal because I had to.
I really didn't understand what the Lord was doing having me live in
the prayer room because the church didn't want me there and wanted me
to leave, and I certainly didn't want to be there. One day Jack came
and told me that the pastor had asked him to tell me to leave, but
that night he had a dream and saw me as his son and he couldn't tell
me to leave anymore than he could have told his own son to leave. So
God kept me there. One night the guy who was the night watchman for
the church, Bill, a man God was calling to be a prophet, told me
that the church should be ashamed because the members were not in the
prayer room at night praying for the church and I had to be there to
do that. God was telling me that I was spiritually the watchman for
the church 24/7. Remember the watchmen on the walls for Israel in the
Old Testament? Well, that's what I was for Hillcrest but they didn't
see it.
Prophets
are watchmen, it is our job. My name is Clifford, I am a watchman who
stands on the edge of the cliff
watching
the fording
place
in the river to see when the enemy is coming so that I can warn the
people. God named me for that purpose. The job involves sitting and
watching, waiting, doing nothing; I hate it, I despise it,, but it's
part of my responsibility. I thrive on being busy, on challenge, but
God absolutely refuses to let me do that much of the time. He makes
me sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait, most of the time all
alone with no one to talk to, nothing to do. It frustrates me beyond
belief. It is the complete opposite of who and what I am. I hate it!!
Being alone all the time is torture. God makes sure that no one
calls me , comes to visit me, invites me anywhere. It is hell! But
it's no different than what God did to the prophets of old. And he
hasn't changed, unlike what far too many spiritual little children
believe today. We are told to share in the sufferings
of Christ,
and that's exactly what God has forced upon me. . Jesus was homeless,
he didn't have a place of his own to stay, nor did I. Matt
8:20 - Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but
the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
He probably lived in a tent or stayed with friends from time to
time. He was lucky to have friends to stay with from time to time.
Hillcrest Church used to have a rather large coven of witches and
warlocks in the church, and the administration never knew they were
there - but they most certainly were. While I was living in the
prayer room the pastor's secretary used to come in the prayer room
several days a week and pray, or so I thought. One day I saw her
sitting in one of four chairs under a canopy in the corner,
apparently in prayer. But God showed me she was actually having a
séance with satan himself. I was stunned! After she left I went over
to that area and got some oil and anointed each chair with oil and
prayed in the spirit over them. The next time she came in she went
over there but couldn't sit down, and instead went over to a small
table with four chairs on the other side of the room and began her
evil there. After she left I got the oil and anointed that table and
chairs and prayed over them. The next time she came in she couldn't
sit there and went to one of the kneelers by the altar to do her
evil. After she left I anointed all the kneelers with oil and prayed
over them. I never saw her in the prayer room again.
One day after I had been living in the prayer room for about three
weeks the Lord suddenly told me that there was going to be an attack
on the church. If I had a trumpet I would have gone throughout the
church blowing it loudly to warn the people. Instead I called the
elder in charge of prayer and told him that God warned me that an
attack was coming on the church. He knew I was a prophet so he should
have listened, but he didn't. I saw Rodney the next day and told him
what the Lord showed me, and he said “Yes, there will be infighting
inside the walls, many will be injured and many will leave. But if
they rebuild the 24/7 prayer walls the attack can be diverted.” I
told another elder what I saw and what Rodney said, but apparently he
didn't take it seriously. I told one of the pastors, one of the
trustees and several members, but no one did anything. In a desk
drawer in the prayer room there were some brochures on prayer that
one of the members had written a couple of years before, so I put
them out all over the prayer room. Someone came in and removed them.
No one listened or cared. I was just some homeless guy living in the
church, no money to give to the church, not famous or rich, so no one
paid attention. They wouldn't have listened to Jeremiah, Isaiah,
Ezekiel or any of the prophets of old, either.
Around this time Jack Powell fell down from a ladder at his house,
fractured his skull and was in Intensive Care at the hospital. Since
Jack was a spiritual father to me and to Bill, the night watchman, he
and I took turns staying at the hospital watching over Jack. After
all, we were both spiritual watchmen and Jack's spiritual sons.
When he came out of intensive care and was put in a private room, we
were in the room with him all day and all night, in twelve hour
shifts. No, we really didn't realize the importance of what we were
doing, we were there because we loved Jack. It was only later that
God revealed to me what we were actually there for. We were there to
protect him from the evil coven in the church who wanted to kill him
because they knew he was the senior apostle for the church and the
head of spiritual authority for the church, even though the
leadership didn't recognize him as such. They knew they had to get
him out of the way so they could destroy the church.
Jack was beginning to recover and to somewhat get his wits about him,
but he was still in serious shape. Then they moved him to another
area for physical therapy and we couldn't be there to watch over him.
That's when the witches and warlocks in the church did their thing
and killed him. I remember seeing several older people from the
church sitting in the waiting room and I felt uncomfortable around
them, there was something I could not put my finger on about them.
But afterwards I realized these people were evil, they were part of
the coven in the church. And since Bill and I were no longer able to
be with Jack to protect him, they could kill him with their evil, and
did. I know of no other way to explain it other than that.
Interestingly enough, when Jack was buried the Lord would not let me
go to his funeral, and it hurt me not to be able to do so. But God
told me “Let the dead bury the dead.” We have to obey whether we
like it or not, or whether we understand or not.
Yes, there was evil in the church. The older couple who were in
charge of the Deliverance Ministry for the church were a witch and
warlock, and no one in leadership at the church could see it. I had
been uncomfortable around them and then the Lord showed me what was
happening. When people went to them for deliverance they were given a
multi-page survey asking them questions from the day they were born
to the present. This information was then used against them when they
met with the couple for deliverance. They used the information in the
survey to put spiritual oppression on the people, not to set them
free. The Holy Spirit already knows all the information about people
and the Holy Spirit is the one who reveals whatever info is necessary
during deliverance, no survey is ever needed. After that every time I
saw them I saw the evil in them.
God
has had me in over one hundred churches over the past thirty nine
years and I have seen evil in many of them, most of the time in the
leadership. 2Cor 11:14 - “And no
wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not
surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of
righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.”
Far too many of the leaders are wolves in sheep's clothing. They
love the attention they get, the authority they have, the way that
people look up to them. They love what they think is their
importance. They deceive most people.
My
commission as a prophet was the same as Jeremiah's – Jer 1:5 -
”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I
set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jer
1:10 - “See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to
uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to
plant.” None of the churches that I have prophesied to, warned, or
counseled have listened – 99% of those don't exist anymore.
Chapter
Four
While
Jack was in the hospital I was going to the church service at the
homeless ministry because it was less than a mile from the hospital.
While there the woman who founded it asked me if I would come back, I
told her that I would. The next day I went to a men's breakfast
meeting at Hillcrest and told them that I was going back to the
homeless ministry. A guy stood up and said to me: “Ezek
2:1-7 - He said: “Son of man, I am sending you to the Israelites,
to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me; they and their
ancestors have been in revolt against me to this very day. The people
to whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them,
‘This is what the Sovereign Lord
says.’And whether they listen or fail to listen—for they are a
rebellious people—they will know that a prophet has been among
them. And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words.
Do not be afraid, though briers and thorns are all around you and you
live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or be
terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people. You must
speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for
they are rebellious.”
Later
that day while reading through Ezekiel the Lord gave me these verses:
Ezek 3:4-11 - “He then said to me:
“Son of man, go now to the people of Israel and speak my words to
them. You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and
strange language, but to the people of Israel— not to many peoples
of obscure speech and strange language, whose words you cannot
understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have
listened to you. But the people of Israel are not willing to listen
to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for all the
Israelites are hardened and obstinate. But I will make you as
unyielding and hardened as they are. I will make your forehead like
the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or
terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people.” And he
said to me, “Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the
words I speak to you. Go now to your people in exile and speak to
them. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord
says,’ whether they listen or fail to listen.”
Needless
to say I was stunned. I really had no idea what I was getting into.
But I had to go, there was no choice. When I went to speak to the
director (not the founder who asked me to come back) about staying
there, he told me “I don't know how a prophet will fit in this
ministry”. The Lord showed him what I was so he had no excuse for
not listening.
That night Jack died and I was deeply distressed, badly hurting. The
next morning was the Sunday service at the homeless ministry and I
went early, hoping to find someone to talk to. The director's wife
came in and I asked her to pray for me. We went into a back room, she
pulled up a chair next to me and pressed her right breast firmly
against my arm and began to pray for me. I was appalled. I couldn't
believe that she would do such a seductive thing. But that's exactly
what she did. Lord, what am I getting into over here!!! Yes, she knew
EXACTLY what she was doing.
The next morning I went to a meeting of the staff, assuming that I
was to be part of it. But one of the house managers', a so-called
“pastor”, stood up and yelled “Get out of here!!”. I just
stood there and stared him in the eyes until he sat down. He didn't
like me when I was there before because I wouldn't kowtow to him.
Willie came and was angry at me instead of the idiot, and told me to
go to the house and he would let me know when he needed me. I never
heard from Willie again until I was called into the director's office
nine weeks later.
So I went to the house and sat. After seven days I sent a note to the
director giving him a word from the Lord. It was about the parable of
the ten talents and that God had sent him a talent that had been
tested and tried in the fires of affliction for over twenty years,
taught and purified in the wilderness for twenty one years. I told
him that it seemed like they were trying to hide and/or bury that
talent. I never heard from him.
This is one of the verses God gave me the day before I went there:
Ezek 3:14-15 - “The Spirit then lifted me up and took me
away, and I went in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with
the strong hand of the Lord
on me. I came to the exiles who lived at Tel Aviv near the Kebar
River. And there, where they were living, I sat among them for seven
days—deeply distressed. “ What I did see in the ten
weeks I was there was an abomination to the Lord! I didn't see love,
mercy and compassion anywhere in the leadership, it didn't exist.
What I did see were a bunch of low-level people who thought that
because they were in a leadership role, something they had never been
in before, that they were something special. They were impressed by
what they thought was the “power” they had, their “authority”.
They all demanded to be called “pastor Willie” or pastor Phil”,
etc. I wouldn't call any of them by a title. I was tempted to tell
them they needed to call me “Prophet Cliff”, but I knew God would
kick my butt if I did that, lol.
I
sat there every day out in the yard and read my bible or helped
Rodney around the church. Willie never asked me to do anything, nor
did the director. Many, many times guys who were going through the
program came and talked to me about what they were going through, how
badly the “pastors” were treating them. I tried to comfort and
encourage them the best I could,. They would tell me how they found
no love or compassion in the leaders. I watched during Bible study
classes and the services on Sundays how Willie used to go up in the
electronics loft and watch the people to try and catch them sleeping
or talking during the service, so he could jump all over them and
many times throw them out. He was always trying to catch them doing
something wrong so he could evict them. He was like an hawk trying to
catch his prey. Jer 5:26-27 - “Among
my people are the wicked who lie in wait like men who snare birds and
like those who set traps to catch people. Like cages full of birds,
their houses are full of deceit; they have become rich and powerful.
I saw people thrown out for the slightest infraction of the rules.
But I also saw people giving things to Willie and other “pastors”,
and those people were treated very differently by the “pastors”.
One of the few people I saw there with any love and compassion was
the founder. She was a wonderful woman who truly cared about the
people there. She had a beautiful heart. The problem was in the
people she hired to run the ministry. They weren't qualified to be in
a management position in a ministry like that, but she didn't see
what was going on. That's why God sent me there as a watchman, to sit
and watch, to keep my eyes and ears open, which I did. The verses God
had given me from Ezekiel before I went there proved to be true. But
God will give her the desires of her heart in the near future, and
she will see the ministry God had shown her in a dream many years ago
come to pass and bloom into a beautiful thing.
While I was there I met a guy named Roberto who had a landscaping
business and he hired some of the guys at the ministry to work for
him. I first saw him at a Sunday service and I knew he was an
apostle, it's just something God shows me about apostles and
prophets. I went and spoke to him for a few minutes and told him what
I saw in him, He confirmed that I was correct. After that time he and
I got together often and spoke about the leadership at the ministry
and the many problems we saw with it, but there was nothing he nor I
could do about it other than try to help the guys there. Roberto was
a true man of God, a humble, caring man. A true apostle. He and I had
many talks about the way people at that ministry were abused and
kicked out. He saw what I saw and it hurt and angered him as it did
me. But there was nothing we could do about it other than pray and
help those the Lord allowed us to help.
After sitting there for nine weeks I was called to the director's
office one day. When I got there he and Willie were sitting there and
began to tell me that I was causing trouble in the ministry. I didn't
even try to defend myself. Instead I looked them in the eyes and
spoke to them a verse that God had given me for them a couple of
weeks before. I said “You have gone far enough O princes
of Israel. Stop your violence and oppression and do what is just and
right. Cease your evictions of my people says the Lord. Ezek 45:9”.
Their response was “Huh.” In other words, they heard but refused
to listen and obey. Then I was told I had to leave in seven days.
They directly and immediately disobeyed what the Lord had just told
them. Talk about hard-headed and rebellious, just exactly what the
Lord had told me they would be.
In the ten weeks there I would sit and read my Bible for several
hours a day, just start in the beginning and read it through. While
reading through it God gave me a number of verses regarding the
ministry and I would underline them. The day I left there I went to a
local library and typed out a five page letter to the director giving
him every one of those verses. It was not a pleasant letter, it was a
strong rebuke from the Lord. He still refused to listen. Some of
those verses were:
Jonah 1:2 - “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach
against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”
Ezek 2:4-5 - ”The people to
whom I am sending you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, ‘This
is what the Sovereign Lord says.’ And whether they listen or fail
to listen—for they are a rebellious people—they will know that a
prophet has been among them.”
Isa 30:9-11 - “ For these are rebellious people, deceitful
children, children unwilling to listen to the Lord’s instruction.
They say to the seers, “See no more visions!”
and to the
prophets, Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant
things, prophesy illusions. Leave this way, get off this path, and
stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!”
2 Chron 24:19 - “Although
the Lord sent prophets to the people to bring them back to him, and
though they testified against them, they would not listen. “
Zech
7:11-12 - “But they refused to pay attention; stubbornly they
turned their backs and covered their ears. They made their hearts as
hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words that
the Lord Almighty had sent by his Spirit through the earlier
prophets. So the Lord Almighty was very angry. “
Prov 1:25-28 - “since you disregard all my advice and do
not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you;
I will mock when calamity overtakes you—when calamity overtakes you
like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when
distress and trouble overwhelm you.“Then they will call to me but I
will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me,”
2Chron 36:16 - “But they
mocked God’s messengers, despised his words and scoffed at his
prophets until the wrath of the Lord was aroused against his people
and there was no remedy. “
1Sam 15:23 - “Because you have rejected the word of the
Lord, he has rejected you as king.”
Matt 5:13 - “You are the salt of the earth. But if the
salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no
longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled
underfoot. “
Jer 25:34-38 - “Weep and wail, you shepherds; roll in the
dust, you leaders of the flock. For your time to be slaughtered has
come; you will fall like the best of the rams. The shepherds will
have nowhere to flee, the leaders of the flock no place to escape.
Hear the cry of the shepherds, the wailing of the leaders of the
flock, for the Lord is destroying their pasture. The peaceful meadows
will be laid waste because of the fierce anger of the Lord. Like a
lion he will leave his lair, and their land will become desolate
because of the sword of the oppressor and because of the Lord’s
fierce anger. “
Ezek 34:4-6 - “You have not
strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You
have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have
ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there
was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for
all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on
every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one
searched or looked for them. “
Zech 11:8 - “In one month I
got rid of the three shepherds.”
About two months after I left God removed three of the so-called
“pastors” in a thirty day period, a month.
Amos 5:12 - “For I know how
many are your offenses and how great your sins. There are those who
oppress the innocent and take bribes and deprive the poor of justice
in the courts.”
As of this date in 2021 that ministry no longer has a homeless
ministry. The previous director is no longer there, nor any of the
rest of the so-called leaders. Some of their property has been sold.
But it will flourish again when God re-opens the door. Many homeless
will be reached for the Lord and their lives completely changed. We
will be preparing them to go out into the fields for the last days
harvest. Yes, the last days harvest is that near. Is that the desire
of my heart? No. I am a businessman who enjoys the challenges of
running a business. But this ministry is what God has chosen for me
in the future, so this is what I'll do, and I'll do it to the best of
my ability. And it will be very satisfying to help people turn their
lives around.
Chapter Five
As far as Hillcrest Church was concerned, shortly after I left I
heard that Morris Sheats, the former pastor, had begun a new church a
few miles away and sent a flier to the mailing list of Hillcrest
announcing his new church. Because of this there was great arguing
and bitter feelings at Hillcrest, many people were emotionally
wounded and many left – exactly what I told them would happen.
Several months later I sent a letter to Mark Brand and to the elder
in charge of prayer telling them that if they didn't begin to have
the members pray 24/7 then the church would fold. It is no longer in
existence and Prestonwood Baptist Church bought the building. Folks,
God is not playing games, He is dead serious. He is preparing us for the last days ministry and there will be no fooling around, no
place for disobedience. But the prophets of old were ignored, and the
prophets of today are ignored – unless, of course, we tell the
churches and ministries good things.
After I left the homeless ministry I ended up again sleeping at
Hillcrest Church, although no one knew I was staying there, or at
least they couldn't find where I was sleeping. The day after I left
the ministry was a Sunday and I went to a little church on Arapaho
Rd., just a place I passed while driving around. When I went in I saw
a couple of people I knew from another church I had attended years
before, so I went and spoke to them for a few minutes, not telling
them of my situation. After the service I talked to the pastor and
told him I didn't have a place to stay, but he just turned away and
walked out. Another wonderful Christian showing me the love of Jesus.
That night I slept in the back bed of my truck in that church's
parking lot. The church no longer exists.
A
few days later I was driving on LBJ Frwy. and saw Watermark Church,
so I stopped and went in to their Wednesday night service. While in
the lobby a guy came by and he asked me about myself and I told him
the situation I was in. He said that the church had $52,000,000 in
the bank for the church's building fund and he was sure they would
help me, I just needed to talk to the staff. I met a guy by the name
of Jim Wimberly who was one of the pastors over there, it turned out
I knew him from the first church I went to when I moved to Dallas in
1978. I told him what my situation was and his response was “Well,
go stay at the Union Gospel Mission, they'll disciple you”.
Another loving, compassionate servant of the Lord. Another church
that Jesus went to in need and they told Him to go to some homeless
mission and they would disciple Him. Matt
25:41-45 - Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me,
you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and
his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was
thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you
did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I
was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ “They also
will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a
stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help
you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do
for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
Unfortunately,
this is what most churches do to people the Lord sends their way to
test their hearts – they fail, as did Watermark. They will have to
answer to God on Judgment Day
During these few days I was still sleeping at Hillcrest and would
spend my days at the library. One day while at the library a gal came
over to me and it was someone I had met Hillcrest Church. She asked
me to come to a prayer lunch at her apartment the next day. I was
happy to go. There were three women and one man there and we talked,
prayed , ate and they said the rosary -yes, I know, vain, repetitious
prayer. I abstained from joining them in saying the rosary. But God
showed me later that He sometimes hears their prayers when they say
the rosary if their hearts are truly in it. So I can't judge them for
that. I used to be a Catholic when I was raised in New Orleans, an
altar boy, went to Jesuit High School, lived literally right next to
Loyola University in New Orleans, and even had an uncle who was a
Jesuit priest, so I am well-acquainted with the rosary and Catholic
theology. Yes, they have their theological and spiritual problems,
just like all the churches do. But God sees the hearts of people, and
that's what He cares about, not their theology, rules and
regulations. He is their judge, not us.
After the others left she and I were sitting down talking and she
said “You need a place to stay, don't you?” It was something the
Holy Spirit showed her. I said “yes”, and she asked me if I
wanted to stay in her apartment. So I did for about a month. She
helped me find a little work with a couple of her friends, so I had a
little money. Then one day I remember stopping at some church in the
neighborhood and going to sit in one of the pews. I sat there and
said “Lord, what are you doing? You are filling my heart with love
for her. What is going on?” I certainly didn't fall in love with
her, but God was filling my heart with love for her. I didn't
understand it, but that's definitely what He was doing. I told one of
her friends what was happening, and of, course, she told Gail. Gail
was scared because we hardly knew one another, I understood that. But
I couldn't deny what God had done. One of her friends had a garage
apartment and asked her if I could stay there. I moved there a few
days later and things seemed to be turning around for the better. But
then Gail all of a sudden turned ugly and kicked me out of her life.
I was devastated. It turned out she was bipolar. It is an horrible
illness where people are nice one minute and terrible the next. There
was absolutely nothing I could do to change the situation. I believe
God did that because He wanted me to know how He hurts when people
turn their backs on Him.
I
remember being extremely angry at God because He was the one who had
put this relationship together, and He was the one who had filled my
heart with love for her. I was deeply hurt. Just another nasty wound
that God inflicted upon me. Deut 32:39
- I have wounded and I will heal.
Isaiah 30:26 - when the Lord
binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.
Yes, it is God who puts these things together. It is God who put me
on this unbelievably horrible, painful walk filled with virtually
nothing but pain and bitter disappointment for the past thirty-nine
years. I'm not happy with Him and there are times I absolutely
despise Him for the cruel wounds He has inflicted on my heart, the
despicable way He has treated me. The only thing that keeps me going
are the promises He made me at the beginning of this walk in 1983,
the hope that He will fulfill those promises one day. But as of this
day He has certainly not healed any of the wounds that He inflicted
on my heart, nor has He fulfilled any of the promises He made to me.
A friend of mine had a vacant rent house that needed some repairs
and he asked me if I could do the work for him. Since the house was
empty I stayed there for a couple of weeks while working on it. Then
I was driving down Hillcrest Rd again in Richardson and saw a bible
church that will be unnamed. God let me know I was to go there. I did
and I got some work from a couple of the families in the church that
needed their houses painted. So I was able to stay in a motel for a
while. But motel living is not very comfortable nor does it have any
stability. It's all temporary living. I even worked in the meat
market at Albertsons Grocery for about ten months. That was certainly
no fun. But that's the door that God opened for me. I would stay at
Motel 6 for a few days, then sleep on the floor of another friend's
apartment for a few days, then on the flea-ridden couch of another
friend's apartment for a few days. It was not a pleasant way to live.
On March 8, 2008 a guy I had met through a fly fishing club was
single, living alone, and had an extra bedroom and he said I could
come live there. The place was an absolute pigpen, filthy and
unkempt. Dale, who weighed 450 lbs, hadn't cleaned or vacuumed it for
probably 10-12 years. It was nasty. He let the outside deteriorate
and did nothing to fix it. The weeds in the flower bed were six feet
tall, literally. He was so lazy that the City of Plano had to fine
him several times because he wouldn't even hire anyone to cut the
grass. All Dale liked to do was eat and sit and yap, yap, yap about
all the things he supposedly had done and the “important” people
he knew, 99% of it were lies. He would sit there in his undershorts (
can you imagine what it's like to have to look at a 450# blob of fat
in just his underwear) and yap, yap, yap, and then haw!,haw!, haw!,
with his fat jiggling all over. He never asked me anything about
myself, he only wanted to talk about himself. I listened to him but
after a few weeks I spent most of my days in the public library and
my nights in my bedroom. I got to the point that my doctor at the VA
gave me some mood-stabilizing drugs to help me. I have never known
such a lonely, lazy person before or after. I was very, very
uncomfortable living there but that's the place where God had put
me. Dale was so fat that he couldn't wipe himself after using the
toilet, he had to go in the shower and use the spray attachment to
clean himself off. Virtually every time I took a shower I had to
clean the feces out before I used it. He was that filthy. I was
extremely uncomfortable there, but that was where God made me stay.
While there I began to pick up some repair/remodeling work and made a
little money, but not much. But everyday I worried if the bank I had
bought my truck from would find out where I lived and come and
repossess my truck that I had not made a payment on since I left
Tyler in July, 2005. There was never a time when I could just sit and
relax. There was constant and unbelievable stress in my life, it
never let up.
Sometime
in early 2009 my spiritual Kikuyu sister in Kenya told me that God
was going to have Dale give me the house. I figured that I would have
to see that to believe it after all the other bitter disappointments
of the past from God. Over the previous twenty-seven years God would
tell me some good thing He was going to do for me or give me. He
would give me hope like it would happen quickly, and then He would
suddenly pull the rug from out under me. Every time without fail it
was like “Oh, not yet, first you have to suffer”. Prov
13:12 - Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled
is a tree of life.
This stuff went on for over thirty years years and my heart was
deeply wounded and I became very, very bitter towards God. I used to
yell and scream at Him day after day after day. I was enraged at Him.
It was like He really got His kicks hurting me, like He enjoyed
sticking knives in my heart every chance He got. There were times I
absolutely hated Him and wished He were dead. Many days I wished that
I was dead. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and it was God who
kept deferring every hope He gave me. He kept putting me in one
horrible situation after another after another after another. He kept
knocking me down, I would get up. He would knock me down again, and I
would get up again. It hurt like nothing I could ever have believed
possible. Naturally I got stronger each and every time, which
accomplished what He wanted. But I hated it, and sometimes hated Him
because of the torture He was putting me through. The pain was almost
unbearable.
Chapter
Six
In 2009 God had me begin to write my blogwww.watchman2009.blogspot.com,
something He had been putting on my heart for several years. The
first message “The Destruction Of The USA” was a very potent
warning about how and why God is going to judge this wicked nation
which has turned not just away from Him, but against Him. It was a
message which was several years coming, something that my heart was
burning to tell, something from the heart of a prophet feeling God's
heart which is angry at this nation, it's people and its churches. In 1983 when
God had me give up my executive search firm and stay home and read
the Bible for eight hours a day, seven days a week, for what ended up
being nine months, I was reading in Revelation 18 and knew that was
what was going to happen to this nation. That, and the curses of Deut
28, were going to be its punishment for its sins. But it was twenty
six years later before God had let me put it in writing. Yes, He
makes us wait that long some times before we give warnings. He lets
things burn in our hearts for many years before He allows us to
speak. Do I know why? No, I have absolutely no idea why. What I do
know is that it is frustrating beyond belief. Moses probably felt the
same was having to wait for forty years before God sent him back to
Egypt to set his people free.
And after all the churches He has put me in over the past thirty-nine
years I can now see that His judgment on the churches is not going to
be any gentler than His judgment on the USA. The churches are nice
social groups that get together a couple of times a week and talk
about how good they are and how God wants to bless them, give the
people everything their hearts desire. If they'll just give their
tithes to the church God will bless them hundreds of times over. I
remember one time watching Pat Robertson on tv on one of his
raise-money-a-thons, he calls them praise-a-thons, and he was telling
the people that so and so just sent him $100 and the next day God
gave that person $,10,000. In other words, give me your money and God
will bless you many times over – what absolute nonsense!! That's
what the focus of most churches is, give us your money and God will
give you much more. Give us your money so that we can have bigger
churches, more programs, more pastors, more staff, and we will look
so great and so important. They all seem to have missed the story of
the woman who gave her last cent to the synagogue and there was never
any mention that God gave her anything in return here on earth. They
missed in Luke where Jesus said “Unless you give up everything you
have you cannot be my disciple.” See, that's not “positive
confession”, so they ignore it. They want everything they can get
from God but forget that there is a heavy price for it.
My friends, that kind of “faith” is not impressive to God. It is
an abomination to Him. He absolutely HATES that. He wants His people
to be ministered to personally and individually. He wants His people
to be taught to be holy, to be humble, to be kind, to be gentle, to
be patient, to be most of all loving. He wants His people to be
warned about sin and the judgment that comes from it. He wants His
people to repent for their sins. He wants this nation that He has
blessed more than any other nation in history to repent and turn from
its wicked and evil ways. He wants His people to be taught to take
care of the sick, the homeless, those in prison, the lonely, the
hurting, the ones without food or clothing. Unfortunately that is not
happening in today's churches. Today's churches are teaching people
how God wants to bless them, to prosper them, to give them everything
they want. Somewhere along the line they forgot to teach His people
that He wants them to be more like Jesus, even if that involves great
suffering and many times the loss of material goods and human
desires. Many times it means that you have to give up your own
desires and do what He leads you to do, just like the apostle Paul
and Moses had to do, just like I've had to do.
In 1983 I went with the Bill Glass Prison Ministry to the Retrieve
Unit, a maximum security prison in south Texas, to spend the weekend
ministering to those in prison. I had never been on anything like
that before and I didn't have any expectations of evangelizing to
people there. I just went because I knew that God wanted me to go. I
remember sitting in the gym where many chairs were set up and they
let the prisoners in and they came and sat wherever they wanted to.
Several rather large black guys came and sat two rows in front of me,
guys that you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. While the
entertainment was going on God gave me a vision of one of the guys as
a baby needing his mother to comfort him. After the show was over I
went up to one of the guards and asked him that guy's name and was
told it was William. So I went over to William and asked him if we
could talk. He said we could go to his cell and visit. So we went to
his cell and started to talk about nothing in particular, nothing
important. Suddenly he said “Brother Clifford, I ran away from God
many years ago and He sent you here to tell me it's time to return to
Him”. I was stunned!! It turned out that he was in prison for armed
robbery and the other prisoners thought he was a real mean guy. But
God knew his heart and sent me there to let him know that God still
loved him, that He hadn't forgotten him. Let me be very clear about
this, I did absolutely nothing to lead him to think this, it was the
Holy Spirit who did all the work. I was just a willing servant of the
Lord to be there. The next day at the church service I saw William in
the choir with the biggest angelic smile on his face! He glowed! You
would have thought there was an angel in the choir, and maybe there
was. I know in my heart that his life was forever changed after that
weekend. I knew he had returned to the Lord.
Another prisoner I met there was Charles, the chaplain's assistant.
He was a black man who had truly turned his life around in prison,
God had gotten a hold of him, he was a changed man. After I went back
home we corresponded a few times and I even went down there a few
months later to see him again. He was up for parole and I wrote a
letter to the parole board telling them that William was truly a
changed man and that he would never see the inside if a prison again
if they let him out on parole. A few weeks after that William wrote
me and told me that he was granted parole, I was so happy for him.
Then he told me something that still touches me to this day, he said
it was my letter to the parole board that caused the board to set him
free. I still shed a few tears when telling that story. But it was
God working through me that did all the work, I was just a willing
servant.
I met another guy, a Latino named Ernesto, a man who was serving a
life term for murder. He was guilty and he admitted it. But he also
told me that the Lord changed his heart while he was in prison, and
God showed me it was real. He knew he was going to be in prison for
the rest of his life, but he had peace now because he had given his
life to the Lord. No, he never asked me for anything, no money,
cigarettes, nothing. He was a new man in Jesus and he helped to lead
others in prison to the Lord. He sets an example for them.
I had no expectations when I went on that prison outing. I didn't try
to make anything happen. I didn't look for people to minister to. I
let the Lord put me together with people, or put them on my heart.
Then He did what He wanted to do through me. See, He's not looking
for people to do great works for Him, He wants to do great thing THROUGH US, which means we have to get out of the way and let
Him do it.
In the homeless shelters and ministries God made me stay in for
probably nine to ten months over the last thirty nine years I saw
many who deserved to be there because of there own faults. But I also
saw many who had been through traumatic events in their lives and
were devastated by them. Maybe it was a nasty divorce, maybe the
death of a spouse, a parent, a child, maybe they lost their jobs due
to no fault of their own, maybe they had been in the military and
were in a war and came back traumatized and hadn't recovered from it.
Maybe some of those events caused them to turn to alcohol or drugs.
Whatever had happened they ended up homeless. But I saw men who if
given another chance in life would turn their lives around. If given
love, compassion, understanding, mercy and help, a second or third
chance, they could become contributing members of society again. They
could then help others who were going through the same problems they
had been through and have compassion for them.
But it was rare to see any of that type of help in those shelters or
ministries, and even less of that type of love and compassion in the
churches. The churches send money to the shelters and think that
their job is over. They are very, very wrong. They are empty of love
and compassion, they are empty tombs. They are the very groups that
are supposed to help the homeless, the down and out, the hurting,
personally help them. They will have to answer to God for their
lukewarm and cold hearts.
Chapter Seven
A few months after I began living with Dale in 2008 I was driving
down the street in front of my house and saw a guy and his son who
lived across the street out in front of their house. His young son
was holding a 22 lb catfish in his hands. I stopped and admired it
and we spoke for just a couple of minutes, then I went into my house.
A few weeks later I was working in the garage and a guy walked in,
the one from across the street. His name was Neil and he needed
someone to talk to, he was going through a very painful and nasty
divorce and needed to talk, so we just sat down and began to get to
know one another. Since I had been through a very bad divorce in 1981
I knew what the pain and stress were like and had compassion for
others going through the same traumatic event. Years before this God
told me that He would send by my door many who needed ministry –
here He was doing exactly that.
Neil and I spent many afternoons and evenings sitting in my garage
sharing about our lives. Neil was a large guy in his mid-30s and was
a weight-lifter. But he has one of the most gentle and tender hearts
that I've ever seen, a kind, caring and compassionate man, a
peacemaker; man of honor and integrity, morals and character. A man
you could trust with your life. He was not a spiritual man at that
time, but God told me He was calling Neil to the office of an
apostle. Neil had no concept of what an apostle was, but God has been
revealing that to him little by little. But Neil did have his
problems like all of us do. Several times God gave me warnings for
him, but he ignored them. In every case he paid a price for that
disobedience to the Lord. He, like Jesus, learned obedience by that
which he suffered. But once he learned the lessons he never forgot
them nor crossed those lines again. In all things he now wants to
obey the Lord. No, it's not easy. Sometimes the choices are extremely
difficult, they are painful, they cause great stress, but obedience
is the only way.
Before this, when God sent people to me for ministry I was always
comforting, encouraging and building them up, but in Neil's case He
would not let me encourage him. It was extremely frustrating for me
not to be able to encourage him, but God would not allow it. It hurt
me as well as him for me not to be able to do that. I didn't like it
at all because he was my brother and friend and he needed it. But God
would not allow it. Period. Yes, I could see God's purposes in doing
it that way because Neil got much stronger and stronger over these
years having to do this on his own. But I certainly didn't like God's
ways, they were painful for Neil and me. But his spiritual growth has
been a wonderful thing to behold. He is truly a servant of the Lord
now. Finally, after all these years, God is now beginning to let me
encourage him. It is a good feeling both for him and me. I know God
will use him mightily in the future. He has grown so much spiritually
that now God even uses him to give me spiritual insight on some
things from time to time.
Chapter Eight
As for my blog, I found all kinds of “Christian” forums and
groups on the internet and would post the message “The Destruction
Of The USA” on them, hoping that the people would listen. Every now
and then someone would agree with what I was warning about, but most
of the time the response was not only someone disagreeing with my
message but with ugly rage against it. I was surprised at how people
absolutely refused to even consider that God was going to judge this
nation for slaughtering over 60 million unborn babies, and at the
highest levels promoting and parading in the streets its sins of
homosexuality, transexuality, lesbianism and same-sex marriage. I was
surprised at how people tried to judge me for every little thing they
thought they thought they could find wrong. 1Cor 2:15 – A
spiritual man judges all things. but is judged by no one.
The people were adamant that God would not destroy this country as
long as even one righteous man existed in it, citing Abraham's
argument with God about Sodom. What they didn't want to see was how
many times God sent the whole nation of Israel into slavery because
they turned away from Him – even though there were many innocent
people in Israel at that time. How many times He destroyed their
nation because of their disobedience. Those parts of the Bible were
negative so they chose to ignore them. They only wanted to hear how
God was going to bless them and the USA. They refused to hear the
truth. They've obviously never read the stories in the Old Testament
when David numbered the fighting men in Israel against the advice
from the elders and how God sent a plague that killed seventy
thousand innocent soldiers because David had sinned. Or how He
sent a plague that killed over twenty-six thousand innocent people
in one tribe because one man had taken some forbidden objects when he
went to war. These stories they haven't read or been taught because
they are not “positive” stories about God's blessings.I remember
a prominent church that I went to in Dallas where I joined an adults
Bible study group and told them what was coming upon this nation. I
received a call from one of the pastors a few days later telling me
that I was not welcome in that group anymore.
People
only want to believe that God is a good God who only wants to bless
them and make them happy, healthy and wealthy. They don't want to
hear that He disciplines His children and scourges every son He
receives. As I said in the first message on my blog, my messages are
for five percent of the people, the other ninety-five percent are too
immature to handle them – so also will it be for those reading this
story. The greatest part of so-called Christians are mere children
who need to be fed pablum, baby food, because they can't handle meat,
the hard stuff that requires teeth to chew. Babies only want the
soft stuff, and they need someone to feed them because they don't
want to feed themselves. That's why most people go to church on
Sundays, to be fed. They go from one church to another because they
are not being fed in the church they're in. They don't want to take
the time to read the Bible at home and feed themselves. God is
disgusted with them. Most of them will not inherit the kingdom of
heaven. Matt 7:13 - Heaven can be
entered only through the narrow gate! The highway to hell is broad,
and its gate is wide enough for all the multitudes who choose its
easy way. Living Bible
Most
Christians, at least ninety-nine percent, are children, not sons. God
doesn't give the riches and inheritance of His kingdom to children,
He gives it to those He has raised to sonship. The sons who God
scourges know what pain is all about. They know the suffering that
God has put them through. They know the hardship that He requires
them to endure, the pain, the rejection, the ridicule. The know that
the riches and inheritance of His kingdom are not what man thinks
they are, they are spiritual knowledge, wisdom and authority that
come only with spiritual maturity, suffering, spiritual adulthood - sonship.
Paul was a son and he was certainly not rich or happy, but he wrote
the book on what faith is truly all about. He wrote more of the Bible
than any other human being. His writings are filled with more
knowledge of God and His ways than anyone else's. His knowledge of
God's kingdom was greater than anyone's. He wrote what being a
Christian is truly all about, what it requires of us. And he got all
that knowledge because of what he suffered, what he gave up in human
terms. But suffering is not talked about in today's churches, it is
not “positive confession”, so people remain children, little
babies, great disappointments to God. Hebrews
12:6 - For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges
every son whom He receives.”
Chapter Nine
Over
the next few years at Dale's God began to give me some remodeling and
repair business little by little. But it was always just enough,
never anything extra that I could use to enjoy myself with. He
continued to give me hope of good things to come, making it seem like
they were coming immediately. But like always, He would pull the rug
out from under me, bitterly disappointing me. I couldn't believe
anyone, especially God, could be so cruel and heartless. Jer 20:7 -
You
deceived me, Lord,
and I was deceived. But
He treated Abraham, David, Joseph, Moses and others just the same way, He would give
them great hopes only to delay the promises for years and years.
But in June 2013 God actually did something really nice for me. I was
in San Antonio meeting some friends who lived near Mission, TX, at
their sons apartment in San Antonio. On the night before I had
planned to go back to Plano, the wife of my friend mentioned
something about her other son in California and God put it on my
heart to look up my stepson O.J. who I hadn't seen since the divorce
in January, 1981.
I
was married in 1975 and divorced in 1981, when O.J. was 10 ½ years
old. He was my son as far as he and I were concerned since he didn't
have much of a relationship with his natural father. He called me
“Daddy” and in my heart he was my son. We had a wonderful
relationship and I couldn't have loved a natural son any more than I
loved him. But after the divorce my wicked ex wouldn't let me see him
or talk to him - step parents have no rights in Texas. She didn't
care how much it hurt O.J., all she cared about was getting even with
me. She told one of our friends to tell me that the next time I saw
O.J. would be at my funeral. I had filed for divorce and moved out,
but shortly afterward God let me know that I couldn't divorce her, it
wasn't His will. I called my attorney and told him and he understood
that I had to be obedient to God. I wouldn't move back in with her
because she was physically violent, but I couldn't divorce her. But a
couple of weeks later she hired an attorney and filed for divorce. I
was obedient to God and He was setting me free. 1Cor
&:15 - But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or
the sister is not bound in such circumstances.
A
few months after the divorce the Lord promised me He would bring my
beloved son back to me one day. As far as I knew he went to college
in Madrid, Spain and stayed there, married and had two children. That
night in San Antonio it was twenty-six years since I had seen him and
for all I knew he was still in Madrid. When I looked for him on the
computer that night I saw that he was now the Director of Education
at the Guadalupe Cultural Arts Center in
….......................................San Antonio. You think this
was a coincidence, that it just happened? Nope, it was God all the
way. The next day I went by his office and needless to say he was
surprised to see me, and very, very happy. We went to a little coffee
shop down the block and talked for an hour, a very joyous hour. It
was like we had never been apart. It was absolutely wonderful. But
after I went back to Plano I called him and left messages for him,
emailed messages but never heard back. He was forty-three years old
and he was still scared of his mother finding out he had seen me. But
God will bring him back to me for good in the near future, He
promised me that. So once again, I have to rely on hope that God will
fulfill His promises to me.........someday in the future. Prov
13:12 - Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Chapter
Ten
In February 2014 God told me to go on Sunday to Eagles Nest
Cathedral, W.V. Grant, Jr.'s church. I couldn't understand why He
wanted me to go to that charlatan's church. I had seen him once in
1985 and I knew what a farce he was then. But, it's not mine to
understand, it's just my job to obey. So I went and wasn't at all
impressed, which I knew was going to be the case. Then God told me to
go seven times and He would heal me. What???? Why????? So I went
seven times hoping God would heal my body which was deteriorating
little by little, old age does that. But I didn't get healed, and
seven years later my body has still not been healed, not of even one
little thing. Prov 13:12 - Hope deferred makes the heart
sick.
What
I did see was that Grant most certainly had been given the gift of
healing, that was not a fraud. Rom
11:29 - for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.
God still let's him use that gift, although he uses it to bring
attention to himself, and money for his bankroll. After the seventh
time there I sent him a letter of rebuke which included on it this
verse: Matt 7:21-23 - Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord,
Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does
the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that
day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name
drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I
will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you
evildoers!’
Of course he was too arrogant to listen. The last I heard he still
holds services in a dilapidated, very old building that needs major
repairs in Dallas. But as it was when I went there in 2014, there are
only less than 50 people in the services, most of them old and poor,
hoping for a miracle if they will donate enough money to Grant. Each
time I went there he told the people “God told me that 13 (the
number changed in each service) people are going to give me $366.17
(the amount changed each time)” today'. Then he would take the
offering.
Chapter
Eleven
On
March 5, 2014 Dale, my roommate, was transported to the hospital
because he couldn't get out of his chair. It took five EMTs to get
him on the stretcher, but the hospital wouldn't admit him because
they couldn't find anything wrong with him. So they brought him home.
Three days later on March 8, the
exact beginning of the seventh year from the date I moved in,
he was taken back to the hospital. This time they kept him. He called
me about three weeks later, he knew he was dying, and told me he was
giving me the house, which was completely paid for. That was what my
Kikuyu sister in Kenya had told me in 2009. So God finally fulfilled
one of His promises. Praise the Lord for that miracle!! What a
wonderful surprise!! Dale died a month later and the house was mine
free and clear. Interestingly enough, God wakened me at 2:30 one
morning while Dale was in the hospital and had me begin to pray for
Dale. I was praying in the Spirit and had no idea why or what I was
praying for him, but it was intense. At 5:00 that morning I knew I
could stop praying for him. Thirty minutes later Dale's best friend
called me and told me that Dale had died a few minutes before. The
next day while I was reading through the Bible I came upon Jude
9 - But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the
devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him
for slander but said, “The Lord rebuke you! “
I realized then that I was fighting with Satan for the body of Dale.
It is very probable that Dale had a deathbed conversion and God had
me praying for him because of that, or during that very time. We have
to be obedient to God's leadings no matter how we feel about
something or someone.
This you have to understand, it wasn't Dale who gave it to me,
because after living there for awhile he didn't like me and I
certainly didn't like him, I was very uncomfortable there. This was
God who did this through Dale. Dale didn't work hard to earn the
house, he inherited a lot of money when his father died, and he quit
working and paid cash for the house out of that money. If it hadn't
have been for his inheritance he would have been living in an old,
dilapidated trailer in the country, with trash and junk pickups
strewn all over the place. That's just the type of guy he was. It was
absolute hell for me to have to live there for six years with him. I
am a “Type A” person who is always looking for something to do, a
new challenge, while all Dale wanted to do was sit, eat and watch the
idiot box night and day. I was a nervous wreck never being able to
relax for even a minute in that house. The idiot box was on
twenty-four hours a day. If it hadn't have been for the
mood-stabilizers I got from the VA I would have gone absolutely
bonkers. I was happy that God had given me the house but I paid a
heavy, heavy price for it - it wasn't free. Twice in twenty-one
years He had me give up everything I had, and then had me live with
Dale for six long, long, long years - the house wasn't a free gift.
Over the next few years when I had the money to spend on it I
completely remodeled the house, new flooring, new furniture, new
landscaping, etc. It is now a nice house, a comfortable place to
live, but it takes a woman to make a house a home - that's reality,
I have a house.
Chapter Twelve
In May, 2015 I was pulling into the parking lot of a fast food
restaurant when a young kid driving through the lot, talking to his
girlfriend who was seated next to him, slammed into the passenger
side of my truck and did major damage. It was driveable but it looked
really bad with the passenger door all smashed in. The kid was not
insured and his parents didn't want to pay for the damages. I filed
suit and we went to court and saw an arbitrator but they still would
not agree to pay anything, so I let the lawsuit continue. For seven
months I had to drive this wrecked truck everywhere I went. It was
humiliating and I was quite angry at God for letting this happen.
After all He had put me through for the previous thirty-three years
He was doing this now. Don't you ever let up, God!!
In June I received a letter from some friends I met when I lived in
Phoenix in early 1986, but hadn't seen since 1988 when I went back to
Phoenix for a visit. They had sent the letter to my post office box I
had put on my blog, but I had closed that box over a year before
that. Normally the Post Office wouldn't forward a letter from an
address that old, but they did this time because God wanted me to
receive it. They had gotten my mailing address from my blog and just
wanted to see what was going on. I called them up and we talked for
awhile and I mentioned my accident to them and he said that he could
fix it, but I didn't have the money to do it so we just left it at
that. They were living in Holbrook, AZ at this time.
In December the mother of the kid who hit me sent me a letter telling
me that they had gotten a Christmas loan (no, I still have no idea
what that is) and were willing to settle for $5,000. I told them okay
and they sent me a cashier's check. I went out looking for a good
used truck but could find nothing even close to a vehicle I could use
for my remodeling business. God put my friends in Arizona on my mind
and I called them up. When I asked Myron how they were doing he said
that they were almost out of money and food. I knew then that I
needed to send them some money from the accident settlement and head
over there to let him fix my truck so that he could earn some money
to live on.
I arrived there three days later in Holbrook with two ice chests full
of meat and other food, and met Myron and his wife at an old building
that he was renting to own and wanted to fix up as a tire business.
Then I followed them out forty miles into the desert where they lived
in a mobile home without electricity, except for a small generator
they ran once a week, no running water and a Port-a-potty outside.
The mobile home was heated with a wood stove that they also boiled
water on. They had a propane-operated small refrigerator (I didn't
know such a thing even existed), a propane-operated stove, and
several fifty-five gallon drums that they stored water in which they
had to get from a public water supply about 30 miles away. He had a
200 gallon tank on the back of a wrecker truck he owned and they
would use that to collect water every week or two, then empty the
water into the drums. They had no garden to grow vegetables in and no
livestock to use as food. All their food came from the grocery in
town 40 miles away or from what friends in the area gave them. He had
probably twenty wrecked vehicles around the place which he had plans
to fix at some point in the next hundred years. Also on the property
was a trailer from an eighteen-wheeler which was filled with tools
and he used that as a workshop. Their nearest neighbor was about two
miles away. I had to drive forty miles into town to take a shower at
a truck stop. He worked on my truck at the place in town where he had
to use generators to operate his electric and air-driven mechanics
tools because the shop didn't have electricity, or running water, or
a a bathroom.
Every morning he woke up, looked out the window of the trailer and
began cursing “Those b#$^^*s are spraying again!!!” when he saw
the contrails of the airplanes flying over. Since they lived under a
major East-West flight path there were airplanes flying over all the
time. He knew, yes he knew, that they were spraying chemicals over
them to dumb down the people. It was all a big conspiracy by
pick-your-villian-of-the-month. The plans to dumb people down seemed
to be working well in Northern Arizona. At his place in town there
was a line of empty rail cars behind his shop, it was a major rail
artery going through there. These were cattle cars and he whispered
to me out there in the middle of nowhere, in case any spies were
listening, that the CIA had welded shackles on the inside of the
cattle cars to take the unruly citizens to the FEMA death camps that
Clinton had set up and where there were already millions of
guillotines to behead those nasty people. He also told me that he
knew the Russians were already here because in the grocery a few
weeks before that he had seen some blond headed, well- built guys
that were obviously Spetsnaz troops hiding in the desert. One day
when we were at his shop there was an Army helicopter flying over
town and he knew that they were watching him because they knew that
he knew what was going on. I listened to this stuff for fourteen days
before he finally finished my truck and I could go home. AARRGGHH!!
Lord, what did I do to deserve all this!!! And the whole time I was
there he never said one positive word. All he did was gripe, gripe,
complain and complain. I was soooo glad to be headed home.
The main reason God sent me there, other than helping that couple,
was to show me the kind of places of refuge where His people will be
living when His judgment is being poured out en masse upon the USA.
Those will be safe places where His people will gather and live for a
while. He will provide what we need to exist on, no more than that.
Those times are coming soon.
Chapter
Thirteen
During
most of the last thirty-nine years God made sure that I had no place
to go on holidays, that I had to sit all alone during those times. He
would not let anyone invite me over for Christmas dinner, Easter,
Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, etc., for most of those years. Only
for a very few of those years did He let me spend them with families.
He isolated me. I wouldn't that do kind of thing to my worst enemy,
but that's what God forced upon me. Some years I used to volunteer
with groups that fed the homeless on holidays. I remember driving
from Tyler to Dallas several years on Christmas and other holidays
helping to feed the homeless in downtown Dallas in below freezing
weather. It was so cold that it was hard to crack eggs without the
cold hurting my hands. But the people appreciated the meals that we
fed them, they felt that someone cared for them. But most holidays I
spent alone, sometimes in cheap, trashy motels. I didn't much care
for God during those times, He was certainly not my favorite person.
I thought of Him as a cruel, sadistic, hateful, sick being. There
were many days I raged at Him, the pain He was causing in my heart
was absolutely horrible. The hundreds of times He gave me hope, only
to pull the rug from under me each and every time and pierce my
heart. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”, and He, and He
alone, was responsible for the pain and sickness in my heart. It
didn't matter what His reasoning and His purposes were, it still hurt
like hell. I realized what Jeremiah felt like when he said Jer
20:7 - You deceived me, Lord,
and I was deceived.
Yes, Jeremiah was correct, God did deceive him. Although it's hard to
comprehend, it is true. He deceived me many, many times with the hope
He gave me, only to find out that they weren't going to be fulfilled
until some distant time in the future, if even then. Isa
55:8-9 - “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your
ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher
than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
My blog brought to me people who needed someone to help them in
different ways. Sometimes it was to confirm to them that their
thoughts about what they felt God was going to do to this evil nation
were correct. Other times it was to show them that God was not going
to have mercy on this nation much longer. A couple of times I
revealed to people that God was calling them to be prophets. But
others were going through difficult times and needed someone to talk
to, someone who would listen and care, have compassion for them. I
was a bridge over troubled waters for quite a few of God's children.
But after they were on solid ground and didn't need me anymore, God
took them away from me. That hurt very, very badly many times, and
those wounds are still very deep in my heart.
But He has brought me a few friends who are still with me, Neil is
one of those. My spiritual sister Anne is another one. She and I
became close as I was getting to know and work with her husband on
LSU Alumni projects, and he was a realtor I was getting work through.
I became very close with them over a period of several years and got
to know their son and daughter as well. When her daughter was
pregnant with her first child God told me that he would be a prophet
of the Lord and have a John the Baptist ministry – and he most
certainly will. For a few years I had a family I was part of,
spending holidays with them, invited to all their parties, having
them over to my house, etc. It was a wonderful time. I even anointed
their son in his late twenties as an apostle. But after six years
Anne's husband got angry with me for something that he caused, he was
completely in the wrong but had too much pride to admit it, and he
cut me out of his life. Anne and I are still close and I love her as
a sister. We still talk on a regular basis, but I can't join their
family on get-togethers anymore. Yes, it hurts. But that's the way
that God has done these things for the last thirty-nine years, time
after time after time after time.
In 1986 I lived in Phoenix for a few months and met a guy who invited
me to a Christian business men's luncheon the next day. His name
was Lee and he and I hadn't talked but for about twenty minutes that
day, and it wasn't but a very little about me. At lunch the next day
Lee introduced me to the group as “Our brother Cliff Hilbert, the
most rejected member of the Body of Christ”. Lee had no idea what
he was saying, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through him. But he
was correct, that is who I am, and the rejections that I've written
about in this book are just a tiny particle of what I've experienced.
Do I want pity for that? No, I just hope that people will understand
where the pain in my heart comes from, and understand that my
thoughts and feelings toward God are a result of those wounds. Does
God have a reason for wounding me so horribly? Yes, so that I can
have compassion for others who have been badly wounded, people who
most will reject and walk away from just like they did me. But I
can't say that I'll have compassion for them because of the
compassion God has shown me, because He HAS NOT shown me ANY
compassion, ANY tenderness, ANY gentle care. I've had to walk all
through this without that, and I've had to walk it all alone. Because
I've walked through it all alone I know very intimately the pain and
will be more sensitive to others in pain. You might think “Praise
the Lord because he will be able to minister to many others”. Yeah,
that sounds so nice, unless you're the one going through what I've
been through. So when He said on New Year's Eve, 1982 that I would be
a tower of strength for Him, this is the way He has used to get me to
that point. His ways are certainly not my ways. His ways cause great
and horrible pain.
My friend and brother-in-Christ, Lance in San Francisco, is another
one who has stood by me these last thirteen years since I started
writing my blog. His encouragement is what is keeping me writing this
book. He sees how wicked this nation is, living in one of the worst
spiritual states in this corrupt nation. He sees the evil every day
because of the legal field he works in, and it torments his soul. His
and his wife's prayers have helped me tremendously, given me the
strength to keep going.
But most of the time in the past thirty-nine years God would send
people to me for a period of time and then harden their hearts and
take them away from me. Or they would reject me for unbelievable
reasons which made no sense whatsoever. People rejected Jesus for no
reason whatsoever. Or God would take them away from me and send them
or me to another city or state, and I would have no way to contact
them. They were all of a sudden gone from my life and it left a holes
in my heart. I didn't blame those people most of the time because I
knew that it was God who was doing it, He was keeping me isolated and
in pain.
One of the few blessings He allowed in my life has been my spiritual
family from Kenya – my daughter Esther, her husband Mwangi, their
daughter Wongoi and son Muturi. I met them through my Kikuyu sister
Virginia, Esther's aunt, in 2010 when I was fixing up their house so
they could sell it because they were moving back to Kenya. I didn't
know them for long but when they left here it was almost like I was
losing my daughter and grandchildren, a love that God had put in my
heart for them. But in 2016 they moved back here and it was so
wonderful to see them. Wongoi (Kui) and Muturi had grown up into
great teenagers, they had matured tremendously. Kui was not a little
girl anymore, she was a beautiful young woman, and Muturi was a
handsome young man. They are both perfect examples of what teenagers
should be like, I am very, very proud of them. Unfortunately, because they are black they are discriminated against.
Esther is like a daughter to me, and I remember her telling me that I
am like the father she never had. She is the sweetest, most humble
and caring person, a real sweetheart whom I dearly love. When I was
in the hospital for five days she came to see me the first night I
was there and a couple more times while I was there. I remember
introducing her to my doctor as Esther, my daughter from Kenya – it
was a perfectly natural thing to do. She looks after me like a
daughter would her father. Kui is now a Junior at Texas Tech, having
been on the President's List three times and the Dean's List for the
fourth semester. She is highly intelligent, gentle, kind and loving.
Muturi is now a freshman at University of Texas and a fine,
intelligent and strong young man. One night when I had their family
over to my house for dinner, I was in the kitchen and God told me to
get a bottle of oil and anoint Muturi as a prophet. So I went over to
him and put oil on his forehead and said “You will be called a
prophet of the Lord Most High!” I was amazed because I had no
indication of that beforehand. Interestingly enough, God has kept me
mostly apart from him since that time because He doesn't want me to
be an influence on him since he has his own prophetic role to play in
the future, not necessarily like mine. They are my grandchildren and
I love them dearly.
Chapter Fourteen
Many years ago I had a dream where I saw the foundation of a house
laid and trenches cut in the concrete for the plumbing. Then I saw
the plumbing, white PVC pipes, assembled and hovering in the air
above the foundation. There were people all around and there was
great anger. Then the piping was put in the foundation and the anger
was gone. Then I saw a couple come up to me with a black labrador
puppy, and said “Have a puppy”. I told them “I can't have a dog
the way God moves me around”, but I knew I was supposed to take the
puppy. Then I saw an elderly gray-haired woman and she said to me
“Come stay with us for awhile”. I had no idea what it meant, even
though I tried to figure it out many times.
About three years ago the City of Plano was installing new water
lines in my neighborhood and the streets were all torn up. The huge,
noisy machines were going up and down the streets for what seemed
like months. Dirt, large chunks of concrete, mud and trash were
everywhere. It seemed like we would never have peace and quiet around
here. Then one day it was all finished, the new waterlines were in,
the trash was gone, the dirt was gone, the machines were gone, the
workers were gone, the noise was gone – it was peaceful and quiet.
That very day I felt a small degree of peace about myself and the great
anger I had towards God was gone. He did it, He removed it, He didn't
require me to do anything beforehand or afterwards, He just did it
when He was ready to do it. After all these years of tearing up my
life He was finally starting to put things back together – but
little by little by little by little. Religious people judged and
condemned me because I was angry at God. But God didn't care, all He
cared about was that I obey Him along the way and let Him do His work
in me. Let that be a lesson to those of you who would try to judge
and condemn your brothers and sisters because of their feelings
towards God. Instead of looking for the speck in your brothers eyes,
maybe you should look at the logs in your own eyes, the coldness of
your hearts. Maybe you should try to help soothe people's pain
instead of causing them more. What hypocrites you are! Rev
3:15-16 - “I wish that you were either hot or
cold. But because you are neither hot or cold, but lukewarm, I will
spit you out of my mouth.”
Then in March of last year one day God set me free of the bitterness
that was in my heart for so many years. I just woke up and knew it
was gone. I didn't do anything to cause God to remove it from me, He
did it because He knew He was the one who caused it by the absolute
hell He has put me through for so, so many years. It didn't matter to
Him that He was the target of most of that bitterness because He was
the one who caused it by continually wounding me, by sticking His
knife in my heart thousands of times until my heart was like raw
hamburger meat.
Oh,
you don't believe that God is the one who does these things? Then
you've never read the Bible. Job 42:11
- All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before
came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him
over all the
trouble the Lord
had brought on him, and each one gave him a
piece of silver and a gold ring.
Who does that verse say brought all the trouble upon Job? Oh, you
still think that Job had caused all this to come upon him? Job
1:8 - Then the Lord said to
Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on
earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and
shuns evil.”
Do you think that God could say that you are blameless and upright,
that there's no one on earth like you? Why do you always try to find
the speck in your brother's eye when you have those huge logs in you
own eyes and you do nothing about them?
In March of 2019 I came down with a low grade fever which lasted nine
weeks. I spent five days in the hospital and they couldn't figure out
what was causing it. But God showed me. A friend in Massachusetts
called me and said she read that psychogenic fever, which is caused
by stress can cause fever like that, and she knew that I had been
under tremendous stress for many years because of the walk God had
put me on. The very same day my friend Neil and I were talking and he
said that this could be caused by stress, he knew some of the
horrible stress I had been under for far too many years. So, that was
the answer the doctors couldn't figure out, it was psychogenic fever
caused by the horrible stress that God had put upon me.
On May 12, 2019 I was sitting in my easy chair and God said “You're
retired”. What!!! I'm not ready to retire!! I was certainly tired
of working with my hands for the past thirty-nine years while on this
horrid walk, but I definitely was not ready to retire at
seventy-three years of age. I expect to work into my mid to late
eighties. I love challenges. I love learning new things. I love using
my brain, but that wasn't taxed much in the past thirty-nine years.
Yes, owning a remodeling business was a responsibility, but it wasn't
much of a challenge to me. But retiring is what I had to do at that
point, although I think of it as a sabbatical. In the two months
after that I have received only three calls for small jobs, which I
had to turn down - God had shut the doors to that business. Yes, I
certainly needed a rest after what He put me through, I was exhausted
and on the extreme edge of a nervous breakdown, even though I didn't
know it. But after a few weeks I realized how close to a breakdown I
was.
But I was not ready to quit working and sit around and do nothing,
that drives me crazy. I had a couple of small projects to do around
the house, took up the hobby of putting Ugears wooden models
together, had time read a lot of novels- but eventually that all
ran out and I was very, very bored. Retiring all of a sudden for
someone like myself is not a fun thing to do. It caused me a lot of
stress, the very thing that I didn't need more of. But that's the way
God does things in my life. No, I don't like it at all. During these
thirty-nine years in the wilderness virtually no one knew that I was
putting on an act that I liked the work that I was doing. It would
have done no one any good to know how unhappy I have been during
those years. So I simply acted like everything was fine, like I was
happy. I turned out to be a very, very good actor. It probably was
what kept me sane during those trying years. Strength? You'd better
believe it!
Back
in 2014 when God gave me this house a couple of my friends suggested
that I get a reverse mortgage to give me enough to live on, coupled
with Social Security which I was already receiving. But I didn't feel
comfortable with that, I felt that was not what God wanted me to do.
I knew I was supposed to trust Him to provide enough work to keep me
going. So that's what I did. He did provide work for me and I made
enough to live on and and remodel the house little by little. But
there was certainly not enough to take a vacation anywhere, much less
take a much needed break. Nope, God certainly did not do that, which
didn't surprise me at all. Paul was a bondslave of Christ Jesus, and
so am I. A slave doesn't have free will, he does what his master
tells him to do regardless of how difficult it might be. Back in 1983
I was given this verse Ps 91:11 - For
He will give His angels orders concerning you, to guard you in all
your ways.
Sounds good doesn't it? But in my case I felt like the angels were
guarding me like a prisoner in a dungeon, making sure I had no
freedom, nor were they allowing any love, joy or happiness to come my
way for most of this walk.
But several weeks before He had me retire, He nudged me to look into
a reverse mortgage. So I did and a few weeks later was when He told
me to retire. Thus I would have money to live on until I went back to
work. I was able to buy a 2017 Toyota Highlander Limited, a vehicle I
had been wanting for over fifteen years, paying cash for it. A few
days later on the Sunday after I bought it I took my truck, which I
hadn't made a payment on in fourteen years, and dropped it off at the
local branch of the bank I had bought it from, it was now theirs.
Now, since I had paid cash for my new car, I didn't have to ever
worry about it being repossessed. One less thing to be concerned
about.
I also was able to take a few short days of vacation. I bought a
Canon DSLR camera to replace my favorite SLR camera that had been
stolen in a robbery when I lived in Tyler in 1998. Landscape and
wildlife photography used to be a hobby of mine that I really
enjoyed. Some of the pictures I took over the years were what I had
enlarged and framed and had decorated my home and office with. Of
course, all those pictures were lost when I had to give up everything
I owned in 1984 and 2005. Now that had a good camera I went on
several short trips and took a bunch of pictures, several of which
turned out nice and I had them enlarged and framed and they now
decorate my house. There will be more to come in the future.
However, last October I had just returned from three days of driving
around the mountains of Colorado, and the very night after I got home
satan himself tried to get me to pick up a gun I had bought a few
weeks before and kill myself. Yes, it was that serious an attack. It
didn't come when I was down or hurting, it came when I was on a high
after being in the mountains. It was definitely a satanic attack. But
I got through it and the next day put my pistol in my safety deposit
box at the bank so it couldn't happen again. I won't take it out
until this terrible walk is over and restoration and happiness come.
A few weeks later I went to Beavers Bend State Park in Oklahoma for
three days. I got a little cabin in the park and planned on spending
two nights there in the peace and quiet of the park, waking up in the
morning and seeing deer right outside the cabin. There was no
cellphone reception in the cabin and no tv there, it should have been
very peaceful and relaxing. I drove around the park for a few hours
after getting there, taking a few pictures. I went to a restaurant in
the park and had a margarita with dinner. I got back to the cabin and
was there for only a few minutes when I was suddenly very disturbed
in my spirit. I was scared of something, but didn't know what it was.
It was quiet, no noise, no one anywhere around, something that should
have been wonderful, but it wasn't, it was frightening. I was glad
that I hadn't brought a gun with me because it would have been a hard
battle not to use it on myself. I knew that I couldn't stay there
that night. So I went to town and got a motel room where there were
people around and I could have a tv and use my cellphone - I made it
through that night. The next day I drove around the park for a few
hours and then drove home. It was extremely upsetting. It was a
demonic attack.
A couple of months after that I drove to Northern Arkansas to spend a
few days driving around and taking pictures. But that night at the
motel another demonic spirit came upon me and I didn't know what was
happening, it was traumatic. I called up my buddy Neil and we talked
for a few minutes. The Holy Spirit gave him some insight and he told
me it was a spirit of loneliness that was attacking me. He was
correct and I knew that I had to drive back home the next day. I've
never been uncomfortable being alone, I usually find it very
relaxing, so this was something entirely new to me, but very
disturbing and frightening. Then I called up Lance in San Francisco
and told him what I was going through and asked him and his wife to
keep me in their prayers. Lance and his wife are some of God's
foremost prayer warriors and their prayers reach the ears of God. Few
here will ever know of him and his wife, but the heavens shake when
they pray. God sometimes wakes them up in the middle of the night to
pray. Since they prayed for me I have had no more attacks. But I've
begun to feel the loneliness, an emptiness in my heart, a very
strange thing for me. And it's not very pleasant.
Chapter
Fifteen
Sometime late in 2020 I decided to go see if I could find Rodney and
remembered that he had told me that he used to go to the 24/7 Club
from time to time. I had no idea what the 24/7 Club was or where it
was. I found it on the internet and saw that it was in the inner-city
area of Dallas. I went down there looking for him, but no one knew
him. You have to realize that it had been almost fifteen years since
I had seen him. But when I was leaving the 24/7 Club that day I knew
that I would be back there volunteering in the future. Earlier this
year I went there and talked to them about volunteering, but they
were closed to the public because of the Covid-19 virus. I was told
to come back in two weeks when they would be open, and so I did. They
needed someone to help them organize their clothes closet, so I
became Clothes Closet Cliff. They are a shelter for men and women who
have gotten off of alcohol and drugs and who want to stay clean, to
start a new life. They have a lot of clothes donated to them for the
residents and it takes several hours, several days a week, to keep up
with it all - so that became my task.
When I was in the closet taking care of the clothes I could hear and
see a lot of what goes on there and got to know a number of the staff
and residents. What I saw there was a completely different operation
than any of the other places that I'd been involved with in the past.
The staff there have all been through the program at the 24/7 Club
themselves, they had been addicts and alcoholics, and had great
compassion for the people who were coming there to straighten their
lives out because they themselves knew very personally what it was
like. They truly cared! They had true compassion! I had never seen
this at any of the other shelters or ministries. The leadership
really cared and it was so very obvious. I was elated at what I saw!
I saw several people who lives had completely turned around. It was a
wonderful thing to see! They have a great record of helping many
people to turn their lives around. While there I actually came out of
the closet. That's right I came out! They needed someone to sit at
the front desk and help visitors when they came in the front door, so
I came out of the closet to the front desk, lol. I was there for
three months when I got a call one morning telling me that they had a
couple of people who were covid-positive and that I shouldn't come in
until they let me know it was okay. If you want to donate to them
here is there email addy:
https://www.betterunite.com/dallas24hourclub-donatetodallas24hourclub
After a few days I knew that I wouldn't be back there, I was supposed
to write a book. I was supposed to come out of the emotionally
painful closet that I have been in for so many years and share my
thoughts and feelings, my pain, my struggles, my battles with others.
Why? Because there are so many out there who the Lord is bringing
through great and painful trials, people who don't understand why God
is putting them through so much suffering. And there is no one who
understands, no one who cares. This is to let them know that they are
not alone, they haven't earned God's wrath, He's not angry with them.
He is raising them up for significant responsibilities in the future.
He is preparing me to run a substantial homeless ministry in the
future.
Chapter 16
Prayers for Linda - updated on 7/11/24 - This chapter was originally written as a message on my blog, and since it is such an integral part of my story I included it in this autobiography.
March 24, 2022
My friends who have been following my blog, I need your prayers for
Linda, a woman who God brought into my life last year as my new sister
and whom I love as if she were my sister from birth. She is a woman with
the beautiful heart of a caretaker, a tender hearted and kind person,
who also is strong-willed. Those are wonderful qualities when used in a
Godly manner.
Unfortunately she has been in a relationship with
someone for several years who is a narcissist, a people user, an
alcoholic and a druggie. He is a servant of the evil one and has
captured her emotionally. God has led her to break off that relationship
95% in the past few months through my love and prayers. But the last 5%
is the hardest for her to let go of, it is also the most dangerous. I
covet your fervent prayers for her.
On March 2 the Lord led me to
begin a 40-day period of fasting one meal a day and praying for her one
hour a day, most of the time more than one hour a day. I have never
been in such an intense spiritual battle in my life, and at 76 years old
it is wearing me out. But I will continue on until the end and hope
that God will answer my prayers and harden her heart against that man
and completely break off the relationship forever.
God is
extremely serious about this and has given her several severe warnings
in the past few weeks, especially in the last week. If she obeys her
life will be wonderful, safe, happy and filled with joy. However, if she
doesn't let him go completely the results will be catastrophic and
extremely painful for her. Unfortunately, it will also be terribly
painful for me because it would break my heart to lose her, to see her
waste away from cancer, that is how serious God is about this. She will
also be carjacked and her best friend, her beloved dog, will die. God is
deadly serious about this. He demands obedience.
Linda is
strong-willed and I can do no more to try to convince her to end this
relationship completely and forever. The only thing I can hope on is
prayer, which I have been doing a lot of. But it is an intense spiritual
battle and I need your prayers also. The battle is between good and
evil, and I don't want evil to win. Please keep her in your prayers
daily. Pray for God to give her the strength to end this relationship
forever. Pray for the Lord to win this battle with satan.
Thank you! I'll let you know what happens.
4/16/22
The
day before my 40 days of fasting and prayer for Linda ended she called
me and told me that she was going to be Chip's caretaker, regardless of
my advice and the warnings of the Lord. The next day, the end of the
fast, God had me write her and tell her that she had been warned, and
severely warned, and that she had one final chance to choose to follow
God or continue down her disastrous path, choose good or choose evil.
And I told her that if she chose the path of evil then I would not be
there to help her when the disasters came. Unfortunately, she choose the
path of disaster.
That same
morning I had a dream in which I was in the passenger seat of a moving
car and my door was wide open. The meaning of the dream was that I was
not the driver, but just a passenger in a car that Linda was driving
(her life's path) and my heart was wide open to her, I loved her so
dearly as my sister. I was there to offer advice and counsel as to what
God's direction for her life was, but I couldn't force her to take that
advice. But with my heart wide open there came a great danger of me
being badly injured if her life turned into a disaster. As a
watchman/prophet I saw that she was headed towards a great and horrible
wreck if she didn't change course. When she told me that she was not
going to change course I had to close the door to my heart to protect
it. I knew that if I didn't the coming wreck could very well destroy me
because my love for her was so great that I might not survive the pain
when she is badly hurt by the tragedies that are coming her way.
Did
God answer my prayers for her? No. She made the choice to continue on
knowing that disaster was just ahead. But, because of that dream, He did
have me harden my heart so that I wouldn't be badly hurt when she
wrecks. The 40 days of fasting and prayer were apparently also to tell
me that I had to get out of this relationship before disaster struck.
Yes, it hurts me to have to end this relationship because she was truly
my sister and I loved her so dearly. But there was only one way, and
that is God's way.
Isaiah 55:8-9 - “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Addendum
Ending
the relationship with Linda is one of the most painful things that I've
ever had to do. It has torn my heart apart and I have cried buckets of
tears since God had me sever our relationship. It hurts terribly! The
pain has been so great that twice I have cried so intensely, so deeply
that I thought I was going to pass out, even leading me to the ER one
time to make sure that nothing was physically wrong with me. I hurt also
because I never wanted to do anything to hurt her. She was hurt too
much already. It is like grieving for someone you love who has just
died. It is an horrible experience that only those who have lost a loved
one can understand. Thank God the grief comes in waves and not all at
once, otherwise it would kill me.
This
is certainly not the way I would have handled all this. I would have
been loving, kind, understanding, compassionate and patient, like I was
for the seven months she was in my life. God had bonded our hearts
together like we were brother and sister from the days we were born and I
loved her dearly. If it had been up to me I would never have given her
that ultimatum to choose evil or good, that just isn't my way of doing
things. To me that's not how you show love. But God's ways are not our
ways. This is what He requires of me: Micah 3:8 - But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the Lord, and with justice and might, to declare to Jacob his transgression, to Israel his sin.
There
is a "good" side to this, if you want to call it "good". If I had not
ended the relationship, then when the tragedies do come upon her - the
warnings that God had given her which are going to cause her horrible
pain and intense suffering - I would have been there to share in her
pain, to take her pain into my heart, to carry it on my shoulders, and
it would have been so heavy it would have destroyed me. It didn't matter
if her disobedience to God had caused these things to come upon her, I
would still have been there for her - but God would not let that happen,
not let me be there for her. I told her when I began the 40-day fasting
and prayer for her that when it was over that I could do nothing more
for her because I was absolutely exhausted from all the battles that I
had been doing for her in the last seven months. She accepted that, and
the consequences.
Because
of the unbelievable stress that the battles of the past 39 years have
caused me, I could not have emotionally handled Linda's pain also. It
would have destroyed me. I would have been in a mental institution
before it was all over, it would have completely broken me. I would have
taken on her pain that intensely because she is my sister and I love
her so dearly. I already was carrying her pain for the past seven
months, the pain of her relationship with Chip for the last six years,
plus all my own pain from the last 39 years, and am absolutely exhausted
from it, worn out physically and emotionally. So, by God having me end
my relationship with Linda before those terrible disasters come upon
her, He was saving me from a complete breakdown. I guess that maybe that
could be considered a "good" thing.
But,
if after some of the horrors come upon her she sees the error of her
ways and and puts the evil one out of her life, then I would take her
back into my life immediately. I'm not angry with her, she is still my
sister whom I love dearly, that will never change. But I cannot support
her and stand with her while she is being deliberately disobedient to
God. Yes, it is traumatic for me, horribly painful, but it's what God
requires of me.
So, what is all this about, what is God's purpose in all I've been through with Linda?
It is about the way that God feels about this nation. He has warned and
warned and warned the USA for many years now, He has shown us what His
judgment will be on this nation if we do not repent and turn from our
wicked and evil ways. He has pleaded with us time after time after time
to turn around and return to Him and His ways. He has shown us the
error of our ways and what He demands us to do. He has let us know far
ahead of time what will happen if we do not obey Him.
Yet,
this nation has refused to listen to Him, refused to repent of its
wickedness and turn from its perverted ways. God built this nation and
blessed it like no other nation in history. He showed us what His love
and blessings are like. He has also shown us how compassionate and
patient He is. He has waited and waited and waited for us to make the
decision to turn around and return to Him. But we have refused. Like I
hurt for Linda, so also does God hurt for this nation. He hurts because
we have persisted in our ways and now He is going to have to destroy the
USA. Yes, His heart hurts, like mine does. He is in pain as I am
because He is going to have to turn His back on this nation that He
loves so dearly.
Throughout
history He has used His prophets to portray what His heart is like in
regard to a nation, city or individual. He is using this situation with
Linda as an example of how He cries for this country and how painful it
will be for Him when He turns away from the USA and sends judgment upon
us. But judgment will surely come. ONLY when we repent and turn from our evil ways will He turn back to us. ONLY then will He begin to show His love to this nation again. Anyone who thinks that they might want to be a prophet is a fool.
There's also another lesson to be learned from this. Matt 10:34-36 - Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn“‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—36a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’
Those days are here, now God is demanding that we separate ourselves from the evil in this world. God
told us that we would have troubles, battles, tests, affliction. He
didn't tell us to make peace with everyone. He told us that we would
have trouble, we would be different, that we would be hated even by our
own families, by our parents, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters
because of our views and lifestyles and that we could not participate
with them in their sins, that we had to be separate, different. That's
what is happening with me right now. Obedience to Him is the only way,
no matter how much pain it costs us. Yes, it hurts terribly.
I had a friend whose son was a homosexual, something that truly
bothered her. But she and her husband invited their son and his
homosexual lover to spend a few days with them "to show them love".
Never once did they confront them about their sinful lifestyle. Their
home is now perverted, and unclean spirits now can come and go as they
please.
I
had young friend who thought she was a Christian and thought that obama
was a wonderful man, that homosexual love was a beautiful thing, that
abortion was a woman's right. I tried to reason with her, to show her
the evil of those things. I sent her many Bible verses to back up what I
was saying. But she refused to listen. She has been seduced by the
perversions of the younger generations. She no longer wants anything to
do with me . That's exactly what Jesus was talking about in the verses
above.
God
sends people to me who need love, compassion, understanding and
kindness, and I give them those things in abundance. But far too many
times when I offer them counsel and show them things that they must do
to prevent bad things from happening to them again in the future , or
things that they must give up, they refuse to listen - like Linda. She
told me that I am a good shepherd. But a shepherd cannot force the sheep
to go on the right path. If they chose the wrong path even when they've
been warned otherwise, the shepherd must set them free and let them
learn from their disobedience.
God
doesn't tell us to get along with the world, He tells us to be
different, to be an example of holiness. We have to separate ourselves
from those who refuse to listen to God's warnings about holiness and
obedience. We cannot let them think that their sins are just another
lifestyle.
July 11,2024 - Two years later
When
I had to let Linda go it almost broke my heart. It was like a heart
attack, a stroke, and it hit me hard. It hit me physically, emotionally
and mentally. I have always enjoyed exercising, going to the health club
and using their equipment and swimming pool, I would spend about an
hour there. But after losing Linda I could only exercise about fifteen
minutes before I would get light-headed and dizzy. Then I had to go
home. That continued for almost eighteen months before I could extend it
to thirty minutes. But now, even over two years later, I can still only
exercise for thirty minutes before I get light-headed, dizzy.
Mentally
I felt like I was ninety years old. I couldn't think nearly as well as I
had before, my mind was much slower. My thought process wasn't working
near as well as it had before, my mind was not nearly as sharp as it had
been before. My memory was severely affected. Yes, it hit me that
hard. It was almost like a stroke. Over two years later I have
recovered probably 75%, but certainly not 100%.
Emotionally
my nerves were shot, my heart felt like a huge piece of it had been
ripped out of me. I tried to get medication for it from my doctor at the
VA but God would not let that happen, He made me go through it without
any help, all on my own. It didn't take much for me to break down in
tears, the least little thing would hit me hard. I'd be watching tv and
just start crying. I'd be reading a novel and anything resembling
emotional pain would cause tears to flow from my eyes. Even at this date
over two years later, I have still not recovered completely.
This
has been absolute hell. Since I had to sever the relationship with
Linda I have not prayed or read the Bible. I haven't yet forgiven God
and don't know when I will, and I don't care. People who think God is a
good God who just wants to bless you are foolish little children.
Most people think that prophets are super-spiritual people, this story shows you that we are human just like everyone else.
Cliff Hilbert
hilbertcliff@yahoo.com
